Really, America? There’s room for only one “Captain”?

Only in America.

No. Wait. Only in New York.

Only in an America with a New York would there be any real question about the appropriateness of David Wright being nicknamed Captain America.

No. Wait. Of course it’s fine to question the appropriateness of David Wright being nicknamed Captain America. It’s fine to question the appropriateness of just about anything; in this case, especially because Wright has been assigned the sobriquet after starring in exactly four games for Team America World Police. Maybe that isn’t enough. Maybe he has to continue starring, and maybe the World’s Policemen have to finally win the damned thing.

No. What’s mildly inappropriate, or at least deeply silly, is the notion that David Wright can’t be Captain America because Derek Jeter is already … wait for it … The Captain.*

* Or as I used to love calling him, "Cap’n Jetes".

I’m sorry, but nobody in baseball gets to claim all Captain-related nicknames. There’s Captain Hook and Captain Kangaroo and Cap’n Crunch and Captain Nemo and Captain Marvel and Captain Planet and Captain Video and Captain Awesome and the silent half of Captain & Tennille.

Hell, you can’t even lay sole claim to "The Captain" on the Yankees. Thurman Munson was The Captain when Derek Jeter was still wearing short pants. But you wanna call Derek Jeter "The Captain"? Go ahead. Call him Captain Yankee, for all I care. Or Captain Bronx or Captain Pinstripes, whatever. But there’s simply no rational basis for a) giving Derek Jeter the Captain America nickname, or b) not giving it to someone else.

And David Wright seems to have a pretty good claim on it. Historically, if Captain America’s been anything at all, he’s been really white and really square. Oh, and he’s always been real big on the flag. You know, sorta like this.