The Week in Worst: A regular slugfest

The NBA Playoffs just won’t stop happening. Some teams have been eliminated and some haven’t. You practically need a scorecard to keep them all straight! The action has been fast and furious, but luckily there have been plenty of players making fools of themselves. We’ve scoured the playoffs for the worst plays of the week, turned those plays into GIFs for you and compiled them right here in this handy column!

The theme for this week is “aggression.” There are a few rough-and-tumble GIFs coming your way, so if you’re of a weak constitution, you might want to just have a glass of warm milk and lie down with a cold compress on your forehead. Or watch some Bob Ross reruns or something. It’s going to get a little bit heated.

Here are the worst plays for the week of April 29-May 6.

Date: May 3

No, no, Josh. You aim at where your teammate is GOING to be, not at where they WERE. It’s OK. I won’t even mention to people that you still can’t figure out that objects in your sideview mirror are actually closer than they appear. Whoops, I just did. And there’s no backspace feature on this computer device!

(There is, but Josh doesn’t know that. Shhhh.)

Date: May 2

What are you doing, man? You really need to get it together, Harden. People are paying you to do this for a living.

What’s the equivalent of this for a desk job? Boss asks you to get a report done but you immediately run over and start photocopying your butt?

Not that I’ve done that.

Date: May 3

Zach Randolph and Blake Griffin totally hate each other. It’s obvious at this point, of course. It started out with Z-Bo Rock Bottoming Griffin and now they’re involved in the saddest and worst slow-motion scrum this side of whatever new Will Ferrell-John C. Reilly movie is literally being filmed as you read this sentence. Randolph is clearly the aggressor here; the one that won’t let it go. Also, he clearly goes for a pin at one point near the end.

In conclusion, Zach Randolph is the best.

Date: May 3

You know when is the best time to get fancy? When you’re on (what for Jason Kidd passes for) a fast break and there are five defenders and half a court between you and your closest teammate. That’s the PERFECT opportunity for a behind-the-back pass and/or crossover.

Also this is JASON KIDD attempting to show off in such a fashion. In 2013.

Date: May 2

You might think that this would also count as the worst layup of the week. But no. There is another.

Date: May 1

What’s the worst layup? Why, the one that doesn’t even exist, of course. Pablo here suffers from what is known as layupaphobia, which is pretty self-explanatory. When he has a wide-open opportunity at a layup, he breaks out in a cold sweat and has to put some distance between himself and the basket, just to cool out for a bit.

Don’t make fun of people’s phobias, you jerks.

Date: May 1

Sometimes you lose your temper. Sometimes certain people lose their temper when they’re not used to losing their temper. When that happens, sometimes they yell something that doesn’t make sense. Sometimes they grumble or say cusses to themselves. And sometimes they just slap out at people with both hands while going NYENNNNNHHHHHHHH.

Who knew that Chris Paul was one of the “nyenh” ones?

Player: Chris Paul

Date: May 4

Hey, that’s more like it, CP3! Just lay into Marc Gasol, leaning into his supple sternum with your elbow and forearm. That looks like it hurts! You’re moving up in the world.

Player: Pablo Prigioni

Date: May 3

Unlike layups, Pablo has NO aversion to flopping. And thank goodness, because we otherwise might have missed this tour de force of floppistry. Pablo is a regular flop virtuoso. Dig those subtleties. Marvel at his commitment to performance. Behold his sad ball-toss and nigh-rollerblading-raptor defeated collapse at the end. Truly, you are the best in the world at this. If we’re talking about single-person flops, anyway.

Date: May 1

Now THIS is how it’s done. The rare double-flop, seldom glimpsed in the wild. I guess that Omer Asik guy is like the Juggernaut of the NBA. Or maybe the Blob. Either way, that’s two dumb Thunder players looking dumb in stereo, completely unwarranted and wholly unnecessarily. If only we could end Week in Worst this way EVERY week.

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