GIF Tournament IV: ‘Barret Jackman’ vs. ‘Jean Segura’

WEST REGION -- FIRST ROUND

(6) BARRET JACKMAN vs.
(11) JEAN SEGURA

Voting will remain open until Tuesday at 11:30 p.m. Eastern.

(6) BARRET JACKMAN.

Won Week 48 of THIS WEEK IN GIFs with 407 votes.

The Face GIF is a treasured subgenre of sports GIF. They’re often beautiful, but they’re never as long and tumbling as this one. This one isn’t over and then it isn’t over and then it still isn’t over. Just layers on layers. It’s like someone is telling him the punchline to a joke, but he thinks the joke is an actual story. “That skateboarding lawyer sounds like a grade-A knucklehead! And did the townsfolk ever find young Frederick’s remains?!?!?”

(11) JEAN SEGURA.

Via @CrashburnAlley. Special nomination. Has not previously appeared in THIS WEEK IN GIFs.

I don’t even have to hyperbolize or exaggerate anything here. Jean Segura does not know what the f*** he’s doing. He could have allowed the pickoff throw to sail past second, and maybe given himself a shot at third. God knows why he found it prudent to knock it down with his helmet, and God knows why he walked after the goddang ball.

In the early 20th century we had Fred Merkle failing to step on a base. Dumb, but understandable. In the 1990s we had Steve Lyons pulling down his pants at second base to dust himself off. Dumb, but just kinda absent-minded. Then we had Wilton Guerrero breaking his corked bat on a batted ball and then running around the infield trying to collect the evidence instead of running to first. And now we have Jean Segura forgetting which company he works for in the middle of a shift.

We’re all getting dumber. In 20 years there’ll be a guy wearing baseball gloves on his feet, hobbling out to left field, and saying “i am glove foot man guyyyyy” out of the corner of his mouth in a poorly-obscured voice that imitates nothing in particular. He will bat .346.

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