In trying to come up with the saddest possible sport, I first imagined a variant of baseball in which the Royals and Cubs play the fourth inning over and over and over and over with water balloons instead of baseballs, and nobody’s in the stands except for Kofi Annan, and he’s crying. Then I challenged myself to come up with something even worse and sadder, and I came up with Supperjumpin’.
Supperjumpin’: Inventing the worst, saddest sport in the history of the world
Eat a Big Mac in a Wendy’s. Bring a Dairy Queen milkshake and fries into a Subway and pair it with a meatball sub. Welcome to Supperjumpin’, the very saddest sport that has ever existed.
This is the premise of Supperjumpin’: first, you order an item at Restaurant A. Then, you take it with you and eat it at Restaurant B. These are some examples of valid Supperjumps:
- Ordering a Big Mac at McDonald’s and eating it in the dining room of an Arby’s (difficulty: easy)
- Going to Burger King, ordering a Whopper to go, bringing it to an Outback Steakhouse, and pairing it with a Bloomin’ Onion (difficulty: medium)
- Ordering a Frosty at a Wendy’s in Woodstock, New York, driving hundreds of miles, and eating it in a Wendy’s in Woodstock, Georgia (difficulty: expert)
Though this sport lacks a scoreboard, it should be thought of as a sort of performance sport, like figure skating or a freestyle skateboard vert. Difficulty, resourcefulness, and creative expression are all taken into account.
I made a logo for this sport that I am very proud of.
The “supper” part represents the food that you eat. I put a jumping guy in because of the word jump. “Jump” is in computer font because of the future. The sporks are not realistic sizes in relation to the jumping guy, but I made them bigger so that they would be easier to see. The background represents the two colors of food: blue and green.
I would also like the historical records to reflect that I, Jon Bois, performed the first intentional Supperjump on July 24th, 2013. It involved daring, effort, creativity and a modest degree of skill. I recorded my adventures on video, so that you may better understand the nature and spirit of Supperjumpin’:
I like to think that I succeeded in inventing the most depressing sport in the history of humankind, and I also believe I’m quite good at it. Supperjumpin’ isn’t just for the pros, however. I encourage you to found a local Supperjumpin’ chapter and organize your own “stunts,” as they are called. And if you have any ideas for a Supperjump, then please, let’s discuss them in the comments.
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