You can find Part 1 of this saga here and Part 2 of the installment right here. Without further ado, here’s the penultimate installment of the 50 most amazing glitches of a skateboarding video game (or “skate-em-up”) we’ve seen this month.
Enhance: Helix Snake’s top 50 favorite ‘Skate 3’ clips, Part 3
This week in ENHANCE, we continue our harrowing journey through skateboarding video game glitches. Our descent into madness steepens.
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
4:38:
We’ve all been there, bro.
4:43: Okay, at this point I’m convinced that, rather than being a skate-em-up, Skate 3 is actually a game where you’re an alchemist, and skateboarding is the long-forgotten lost component of the medieval science.
If you skate into the back of a halfpipe, you create a garbage can. If you grind a lamppost, you create wine. If you kickflip over lead, it turns into gold. It all makes sense.
5:05: You know that sitcom trope where someone is babysitting for the first time and the kid they’re in charge of gets their head stuck between two bannister rungs? Those kids aren’t trying hard enough to get out.
Stick with it, everyone. If you lose an ear, there’s always another one.
5:16: This is the exact reason why I don’t own plants. Coincidentally enough, it is also the exact same reason I don’t live in a Tool video.
Skate 3’s physics engine was approved by Maynard James Keenan. Everyone was disturbed.
5:28: Hey, another background signage joke! Well, maybe we’re using the term “joke” too loosely here.
Let’s assume this is a restaurant. A restaurant called “SUPSTARTAR.” Which would be a portmanteau of “superstar” and “tartar.” Wait, I guess it could be a dentist’s office, also.
Pros of this establishment being a restaurant:
- Maybe when you walk in, the waiter would put down a free bowl of soup and be like, “Welcome to SUPSTARTAR; here is your soup starter, get it?”
- You know they definitely have tartar sauce
Pros of this establishment being a dentist’s office:
- They’re superstars!
Cons of this establishment being a dentist’s office:
- They might be super at giving you tartar
5:34: This might possibly have some applications on Internet message boards:
Not sure when. Maybe when you tap a huge ball and live to tell about it. Just spitballing here.
Also, I really enjoy that you can apparently raise your arms at will in this game. That THAT, Tony Hawk franchise! It’s forward thinking like that that sets Skate 3 apart from all the other interchangeable skate-em-ups out there. I assume.
5:57: Seriously, why did no one tell me that Cronenberg oversaw a skateboarding video game?
This ought to shut up the people who didn’t enjoy Cosmopolis.
6:09: People are uncomfortable talking about it, but I’ll say it: these are not boulders.
These are Chain Chomp corpses. The individuals who made Skate 3 are sick and they need help.
6:27: OH MY GOD
GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT
GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT
GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT
tell my mother i loved her
Yeesh. Skate or Die was your grandfather’s video game, wuss. Welcome to Skate AND Die!
7:00: Died as they lived; bein’ dicks.
TO BE CONCLUDED
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