Bleeding Green Nation alerted us to the fact that the Philadelphia Eagles’ security team was running “streaker drills” on Monday.
Eagles security held streaker practice
They always get their fan.
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
Look at them go! One-at-a-times, two-at-a-times, they’ve got all the angles covered! Certainly, no one is going to get on Eagles turf unless they’re an approved player, member or employee of the team, a network employee, a stadium employee, a member of the grounds crew, part of the promotional team, a sponsor, a camera or audio person, a reporter, part of security, related to someone who knows someone, season ticket holder, corporate partner, stadium manager, cheerleader, mascot, or part of the halftime show. They run a tight ship around there.
It’s actually a pretty rigorous training process to be fully prepared for a streaker. First, you have to look at a naked person, just to be sure you won’t be caught unawares should you actually be confronted with a real, live streaker. Then you have to listen to Ray Stevens’ “The Streak” like at LEAST two times. Then you have to complete a thick four-page workbook entitled “Try Not To Grab ‘Em By the Genitals.” If you pass the multiple-choice test on the back cover, congratulations! You’re Streaker-Certified!
Way to go, everyone.
