Regardless of what your opinion is on the subject of mascots, we can all agree that they should at least make a tiny effort to put some dang pants on. Look at that thing in the picture up above. That’s an anthropomorphized kiwi in a T-shirt. Its genitals are likely flopping around like mad underneath that thatch of fur or feathers or whatever. Just a cloaca all hanging out for the world to see.
Mascots need pants, so we added the appropriate attire
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Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
So we would dearly like these pantsless mascots to stop Donald Ducking it and put some dang pants on. Luckily, thanks to the power of Photoshop, we can now put pants on FOR them. For your approval, here are mascots we have digitally crammed into pants.
For the Florida Gators mascot, we have selected the Florida state pants, Zubaz
For Sparty, we have selected some sensible Michigan khakis
For Hugo the Hornet’s glorious return, some leather pants replete with wallet chain
For the Phillie Phanatic, some sick racing pants, size triple-husky
For “Puddles” the Oregon Duck, just any pants at all. Put some pants on, you deviant
And for Western Kentucky’s Big Red, the only pants that fit his unique personality
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