Seth ‘n’ Rodger’s Mascot Chat! Finding the best Pacific Coast League mascot

All sports teams have ridiculous names. I am a fan of the New York Knicks, named after 1600s Dutch dudes living in New York, the New York Yankees, named after an old term that means some combination of “Americans,” “Northerners,” or “New Englanders.”

As sports fans, these random words become so ingrained in our understanding of the team that we don’t think twice about them. Every time we see the Los Angeles Lakers or Seattle Seahawks or New York Mets, we don’t think, “Hey, what the hell is a Laker/Seahawk/Met, exactly?”

We do not have the same level of familiarity with minor league and foreign teams. Minor league teams especially have less orthodox names, as they often adopt intentionally kooky personae to appeal to the locals who can keep them in business.

It is with this spirit that Seth Rosenthal and I are embarking on MASCOT CHAT, a journey to find the best name and mascot in sports. We will discuss every damn obscure sports team we can find, and we will rank them all on a scale of 1-87.

Why 87? That’s our secret, screw you for asking, jerk.

We will start with the highest level of minor league baseball, probably the most popular of minor league sports, and descend until we get more and more obscure. Specifically, we are doing one division of the Pacific Coast League, because, damn, discussing mascots is intense.

Our goal is to find the best from each league. While Seth and I are AUTHORITATIVE IN OUR BELIEFS, feel free to argue in the comments and vote in the poll to convince us why various other minor league team names are better than the one we have chosen.

Seth
They’re affiliated with the Rockies, but they used to be affiliated with the White Sox.
So it’s like a Utah Jazz name relic situation now.

Rodger
Well technically, there was a team in Colorado Springs that used to be affiliated with the White Sox that disappeared for 30 years, and then when they created a new team, they decided to go with the old team name.

Seth
Right.

Rodger
Even though they were now totally not affiliated with that old team.

Seth
Sorry.

Rodger
Jerk.
I’m mad at them for uncreativity on two fronts.

Seth
I like that baseball has universally accepted that the plural of sock is sox.

Rodger
But what’s a Sky Sockx, exactly?

Seth
Like a flying sock?
A sock a pilot would wear?

Seth
That is what that is, right?

Rodger
Creepy eyes, peering over a smaller mountain at you.

Seth
I was thinking those must be sox somehow, but they really look like scary eyes.

Rodger
They also have a mascot called Sox the Fox, which dodges the question entirely.
They’re basically completely dodging the fact that Sky Sox is not a thing.
I mean, they don’t even play in the sky.

Seth
The fox’s sox (Fox in Socks) don’t give any clues.
I thought maybe they’d be like ... sky-blue?
At least he wears sox, I guess.

Rodger
This sux.

Seth
BORING. BOOOOOOOOOOO
I like their creepy bear mascot better than Chicago’s though

Seth
It’s like “Diet” Cubs

Rodger
If I ran a sports organization with minor league teams, my top team would be an adult animal and my minor league teams would be younger versions.
But you can’t get younger than a cub.

Seth
Iowa Fetal Bears

Rodger
not catchy tbh

Seth
Mascot would be weird.

Seth
They don’t have a hawk in their logo, but the fuzzy mascot looks a lot like the Atlanta Hawk.

Rodger
I guess its just a red hawk.

Seth
Not necessarily a red-tailed hawk, though. It’s just bright red

Rodger
The Miami RedHawk is also a red hawk, but the Chicago Blackhawk is a Native American guy.
Specifically, Black Hawk.

Seth
Yeah he was a real dude, right? I don’t know of any guys called Red Hawk.
Nor helicopters, for that matter.
Down helicopters.

Rodger
Helicopter named after the guy!

Seth
Red Hawks are lame. Next?
*RedHawks. Ugh.

Rodger
points deducted for funky spelling

Seth
Definitely.

Seth
A lot to unpack here.

Rodger
Well, let me start. Their mascot is a tornado.

Seth
With a bat through its face. It has a face.

Rodger
Whereas the team hypothetically chases tornadoes.

Seth
Right, so the logo is the quarry of the team name.
Which is unusual, I think.
But I guess some dude with a bunch of satellite equipment in a jeep would be a weird mascot.
Rodger
I really wish it was the dude with a bunch of satellite equipment.

Seth
Bill Paxton.
Or Jodie Foster, take your pick.
****Helen Hunt!!!
Helen Hunt.
I mix up Jodie Foster and Helen Hunt a lot. It’s a major flaw.

Rodger
So they were the Royals (booo boring) then changed their name to the Golden Spikes (celebrating a monument in Utah, which is far away), but everybody hated it, so they went back to the Royals, and are now the Storm Chasers

Seth
I like Storm Chasers best. Locally appropriate.

Rodger
Locally appropriate but about a disaster, kinda.

Seth
Well but about understanding and conquering a disaster?
Better than just being called the Tornadoes or whatever. They’re on the right side of the battle, even if the logo isn’t.

Rodger
Yeah, you’ve sold me. Storm Chasers rule.

Seth
Maybe this is like a Hamburglar situation.
They chase the evil anthropomorphic twister who stole their bat.

Rodger
I hope at least once per game, somebody chases that tornado with the face.

Seth
Then recovers the bat and beats the tornado into submissoin.

Rodger
I mean I don’t support mascot death but sure.

Seth
DIE TORNADO.

Rodger
Remember the RedHawks? I thought they were too specific.

Seth
And again, no animal in the logo, but the fuzzy mascot is clearly a cardinal.
I think the Iowa Cubs should change their name to the Iowa Brown Carnivores

Rodger
I imagine the Redbirds and Redhawks play a lot, which has gotta be awk

Seth
*RedHawks, Rodger
At least they don’t capitalize the b in bird.
I just learned from Wikipedia that redbird is a common name for the Northern Cardinal, so that’s kinda legit.
I’m definitely Redbirds > RedHawks.

Rodger
Other Redbird-ized team names: The Jacksonville Yellowcats, the Toronto Bluebirds

Seth
Jacksonville Spottycats tho

Rodger
A lot of animals are brown, it seems like.

Seth
Yeah we should look into that.

Rodger
Just any sounds.

Seth
Farts, screams of agony.

Rodger
C: Fart 1B: Screams of agony 2B: A bird chirping SS: A child’s laughter 3B: Fran Drescher’s laughter RF: Fingernails scraping CF: The song “Smooth” by Carlos Santana ft. Rob Thomas LF: Screaming Goat P: Gchat Ping

Seth
That’s a fucking dominant outfield.

Rodger
Yeah, but too much funny stuff happening on the left side of the infield.

Seth
Manager: Just a guy talking, thankfully.
Rodger
Their mascot is a cougar, instead of a note.
Logo got a note, tho. Eighth note, to be exact.

Seth
I guess it’s a noisy cougar?
Noisy cougar is one of my least favorite sex positions.

Rodger
My least favorite sex position is the Fran Drescher’s Laughter

Seth
You’re not doing it right, then.

Rodger
I never bring enough lube.
A wise man told me: you can never bring TOO much lube, but you can always bring not enough.

Seth
Oh shit that was me.
Their old logo is awesome:

That dude’s just whacking a ball with his guitar like TWAAAAAANG

Rodger
It’s El Kabong.

Seth
With elephantiasis of the feet.
I don’t mind Sounds, honestly.
Even if it’s weirdly general. Maybe like Notes would be better? Or Tunes?

Rodger
To make it more clear it’s a Nashville/music reference.

Seth
Right.

Rodger
I dunno, I think this name SOUNDS good
lololololololol

Seth
Shut up.

SETH GIVES THE SOUNDS: 40
RODGER GIVES THE SOUNDS: 58

Rodger
Flawless, imo

I mean I guess it’s tough to convey wind unless it’s a face tornado.

Rodger
Don’t you know New Orleans teams have to do fleur-de-lys

Seth
The Chicago Zephyrs pulled off the wind logo
Wait.
Rodger!
The New Orleans Zephyrs mascot is a nutria!!!!

Rodger
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

Seth
TWO NUTRIAS.
Boudreaux D. Nutria and his wife Clotile:

Rodger
SKDASADLK;JDS;LKJFDAS;LKJ

Seth
That makes me so happy.

Rodger
NUTRIA WEDDING

Seth
IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. CONGRATS NUTRIAS.
You know how I feel. Local fauna, even gross water rodents >>>>>>> generically threatening animals
ESPECIALLY gross water rodents, if we’re being honest.
I guess it would be wrong, but it’d be kinda great if they wore nutria fur jerseys.

Rodger
I think that would be counterintuitive

Seth
Yeah, I know.

Rodger
The website points out they are against human-on-nutria crime
“This lovable, fuzzy husband-and-wife tandem has become the most popular nutria in Jefferson Parish, an area that has often greeted nutria with open fire instead of open arms.”

Seth
Zephyrs rule, man.
I wish they were just called the Nutrias now, though.

Rodger
I don’t wanna give out a perfect score on the first round.
I think that’s the only thing stopping me.

Seth
That and the logo.

Rodger
But it’s not like they’re the RedHawks or something dumb that I hate
They’re the zephyrs.

Seth
Correct.

Rodger
Still upper echelon.

SETH GIVES THE ZEPHYRS: 84
RODGER GIVES THE ZEPHYRS: 83

Seth
Named after Nolan Ryan!
I’m usually against team names that aren’t decidedly plural, but I kinda like Express.
Cool train, too.
I guess it’s the E train, though:

Which runs local.

Rodger
The team is the train that takes you to Round Rock, where the team plays, which isn’t altogether helpful

Seth
Why not?
They take you to the game, then play baseball for you.

Although I should note many trains don’t allow dogs.

Seth
Aw good dog. Engineer dog.
They can drive trains, though.
Not enough train engineers wear overalls these days, in my opinion. Good for Spike.

New Orleans Zephyrs: 83.5
Omaha Storm Chasers: 64
Nashville Sounds: 59
Round Rock Express: 42.5
Memphis Redbirds: 15.5
Oklahoma City RedHawks: 9.5
Iowa Cubs: 3