DeAndre Jordan posterized Greg Monroe so hard a deer cried

Holy shit!

Have we not learned anything from the Brandon Knight episode? Stop challenging DeAndre Jordan when he powers up!

There’s no nobility in being Triple H high-kicked in the damn chest and becoming another victim in Jordan’s Death Note book. He’s always liable to turn you into an internet joke. Don’t be immortalized like that.

Jordan took off with so much force that it looked like a Superman cut from the new Batman v Superman movie. This is when Monroe wants to try and take a charge? We must assume he got up again due to rigor mortis, because I’m pretty sure his soul abandoned his body from fear. It’s like when Homer Simpson’s brain left his head when it became frustrated. There’s no way a man’s spirit could see DeAndre Jordan coming at full speed and not pack its bag, tie it to a stick and start whistling show tunes as it goes far, far away from the scene.

But I do love how O.J. Mayo tries to pull Monroe up afterwards. It reminded me of Simba discovering Mufasa lifeless after the stampede. How, in disbelief and fear, Simba kept asking Mufasa to get up. “Greg, come on, you gotta get up. Dad, we gotta go home.” It looks like Mayo started screaming for help before the other teammates offered their hands.

Jordan went for a dunk, somehow turned into Sagat in mid-air and Tiger Kneed Monroe. This is like when you’re playing Street Fighter and it tells you that a new challenger approaches, but you’re not paying attention to the screen. When you look up, Akuma is putting his knee to your chin for a perfect finish. Always guard, Greg, always guard.

Look at how afraid Giannis Antetokounmpo is! He practically hugs himself to stay away from Jordan after. If he had rosaries on him, he would have clutched them.

The first few times you watch the dunk, you don’t even pay attention to the dunk itself. You focus on Monroe catching a Tony Jaa knee to the chest, so the dunk itself is barely noticed. I honestly thought Jordan hit the tip of the rim at first, but he throws it so damn hard that the ball goes down the net and comes back up. The net was so disgusted that it threw the ball up.

Then, the whole bench clears. It’s only natural. You witness some cool shit like this, you have to respectfully get up, jump around and ask “Fam, who did this?” even though you know exactly who the hell did it. Austin Rivers got so excited that he tries to fight his own teammates! Someone has to pay, and it’s damn sure not the man who treated Greg Monroe like Black Panther did Bucky in the Captain America: Civil War trailer.

Now, we can sit here and keep making fun of Greg Monroe being baptized against his will. We could write forever about how Jordan smiting Monroe is the basketball equivalent of someone telling you that they’re not ready for a relationship, only for you to see them with a significant other a few weeks later.

But the most tragic part of this story is the reaction of the Bucks’ mascot. He’s giving out high fives and enjoying the game, minding his own business, until he notices the noise. He turns, looks around for a bit before seeing Monroe on the ground. By the commotion, he knows something horrible has happened. All he can do is put his hands on his hips and sigh.

Still, this is a sad tale about Greg Monroe. He’s a great player, but unfortunately he’s now going to be plastered on memes everywhere. He’ll be put lying down with Manny Pacquiao, Ronda Rousey and Tony Romo in no time. There will be countless Vines with Jim Ross crying for the referee to stop the damn match. Wikipedia editors are going to change his biography to say that he was destroyed tonight.

Even Brandon Knight is somewhere watching the Vine and laughing. Life can really be tough.