The first-ever episode of Jon’s Farming Simulator was somewhat of a mixed bag. One of our four contestants did successfully complete the simulator’s objective: driving a barrel of chicken feed to the farm via a car, a wagon and some thrusters.
Jon’s Farming Simulator, episode 2: No one is taking Jon’s advice
Think there’s no such thing as farmers? Think again! Welcome once again to Jon’s Farming Simulator, a simulation about farming that was created by Jon.
The other three brazenly ignored my carefully-considered advice, and chose to set their thruster power more than 10 times higher than my recommended limits. I had originally planned to hand out accolades for first, second, third and fourth place. Instead, I was forced to award one first-place finish and three DNFs. Indeed, most of the field failed to reach the farm at all.
Today, we head back to the farm. I am a bit nervous, as I always am prior to every farming simulator. I want only what is best for you. I want you to remain safe, and I want you to succeed. It is difficult for me to care as deeply as I do without growing anxious and emotional about it. But enough about me! Let’s get racin’!
THE RACE.
Music: “All I Want Is You” by Carly Simon
THE RESULTS.
1st: [unclaimed]
2nd: [unclaimed]
3rd: [unclaimed]
4th: [unclaimed]
DID NOT FINISH:
@StupidPerennial
@bigdaddyputs
@rhhenshaw
@Nude_Tayne
JON’S ANALYSIS.
I feel as though my hard work has been ignored, my passion has been devalued and my intellect has gone entirely unappreciated. I feel like dirt.
For the second consecutive episode, I have strongly recommended a thruster power rating of approximately 500. I also recommended no more than two to three thrusters. Today, instead of being mostly ignored, I was entirely ignored.
Perhaps if you could have seen me in the hour of dawn, toiling away, painstakingly making a sign for the town that read, “TOWN,” delicately placing little barrels of chicken feed on the wagons, carefully placing each little car ... perhaps then you would have piloted this simulator with the respect it deserves. I would feel silly if I even bothered to chide you for your juvenile recklessness. The chickens will go unfed, but you don’t care.
Maybe I’m wasting my time. Maybe I’m the one who is stupid. Maybe I am stupid to care.
See you next time in Jon’s Farming Simulator.
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