This is Nebraska defensive end Ross Dzuris:
Nebraska mustache man is the supervillain college football needs
Remember Nebraska mustache man? He’s back, and he’s here to tie up your loved ones to a train track.
When you wake up and realize game day is only three days away... pic.twitter.com/ZPbSSepGuk
— Nebraska Huskers (@Huskers) September 2, 2015 Every part of this is pure evil. Only an evil person would have such a perfectly waxed 1880s mustache. Only an evil person would be standing in front of a smoke billowing from the ground. Only an evil person would make an X with his hands to ensure you that your family members are doomed because you were foolish enough to side with his enemies.
Because he is wearing a Nebraska football uniform, I understand he is not actually here for dastardly deed-doing. I know he’s standing in front of a smoke machine because college football players stand in front of smoke machines. And that he’s making an X with his hands on his chest because he’s on Nebraska’s defense and they’re the Blackshirts and they make X’s on their chests.
But I also know he’s hiding something. I know that there’s something going on. I know that although this man is hiding behind the non-evil guise of a Nebraska football player, there’s something disturbing afoot
I KNOW. I know. I KNOW that Ross Dzuris is challenging me to a no-holds-barred fight at WrestleMania for the Intercontinental belt.
and i’m scared
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