Managers kicking dirt, people lying in dirt, and other baseball pictures featuring dirt

This is a promotional post for Maytag appliances. Specifically their washers and dryers. The idea is that I’m supposed to incorporate the concept of “dirt” into the post, somehow, and then you’re supposed to imagine that dirt getting washed away with the soothing hum of a Maytag washer. Can you not imagine that? Dirt never stood a chance against the efficiency and grace of a Maytag washing machine. Maytag. Buy one.

It’s a good thing they asked me to write this, too. It turns out that while doing my research I learned an awful lot. About dirt. And other things! Dirt and baseball things, really. One of my favorite things to do around here is enter a search term into the SB Nation photo tool and check out the pictures that pop up.

I found that one by searching for “prepares,” for example. So it made sense that I would search for the word “dirt.” I didn’t expect to learn so very much, though.

Here are the things about dirt that I learned for a Maytag™-sponsored post.

Okay, so here’s a normal picture.

The caption supplied starts with “Left fielder Brandon Barnes #1 of the Colorado Rockies got a little dirty after making a diving catch on a ball off the bat of Kyle Seager,” which is a little quirky and amusing and creepy. But it’s a pretty standard baseball picture.

Hey, that’s another picture of Rockies dirt! Okay, it’s a little less explicable, just a closeup of a player’s gritty, dirty uniform, but it’s still pretty baseball.

Got it. That Rockies player sure is

Okay, now just wait a

Really, that’s enough pictures of

There were several Rockies dirt closeups that I didn’t use, too. I promise you, this is not the case with any of the other 29 teams. There’s a photographer in Denver who just loves that dirt, can’t get enough of that dirt.

Can’t blame them, really. Look at that belt buckle! So dirty. So baseball.

Possibly too much.

No, Tom Seaver, do not drink that, you have been tricked, that is a cup of dirt.

Really, this is my favorite subgenre of dirt pictures.

The two best parts about managers-kicking-dirt pictures:

We will always remember you, Mark Kotsay, and we will eventually dig your corpse out of the dirt.

When presented with a request to mention dirt in a post, I immediately thought about Ryan Theriot, who is possibly the utilitiest utility player of his generation. I didn’t really think there would be a perfect picture of him, though.

There is a perfect picture of him. He’s sliding feet-first. Yet his chest is dirty from a play before this. His top leg is dirty already. His bottom leg is dirty already and getting dirtier. His hand is ensconced in dirt, and he’s bringing chunks of it with him.

His face is calm. He is meditating in the dirt. Ryan Theriot loves dirt, just like Mariano Rivera, Larry Walker, and hundreds of others.

They have committed themselves to eradicating it. They have built machines to do it.

Those are some things I learned about dirt.