Football players, they’re just like us: They want to go see Hamilton, too! Well, at least we know one of them does, because Kirk Cousins told the world about his big-city, bright-light dreams on Wednesday at his press conference.
Kirk Cousins loves musicals and is dying to see ‘Hamilton’
He also has a “long list” of musicals he wants to hit up in the offseason.
Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports
“The Super Bowl was in New York City a couple years ago, I went to a broadway show and was just blown away. And I went to the Chicago theater a lot growing up, you know, Hamilton ... I said I wanted to see that, and I’d seen Rob Riggle’s spoof on it with Jimmy Garoppolo and that’s the next one to go see, but I got a long list of offseason musicals to see.”
Cousins said all of this because Vernon Davis had told a reporter that Cousins dances and raps the words to Hamilton in front of his locker.
On its surface, this is a great statement to make at a press conference. Musical theater is a fantastic art form that, frankly, would save a whole lot of Americans from a whole lot of concussions if it were to replace football as the nation’s ~*~*~cool~*~*~ after school activity. It’s therefore heartening to see an NFL player publicly express his love for Broadway (though Cousins’ would’ve tossed in a few jazz hands if he were truly a fan), because maybe now theater kids in the DC area will get more street cred from meatheads on the playground who love Washington’s quarterback (not that anyone really needs street cred from meatheads, but hey).
The good news is that Cousins is in luck! Hamilton is coming to the Kennedy Center in Washington next year, so he won’t even have to go to New York to see it.
But there is some bad news. Which is that ONE OF THE REASONS KIRK COUSINS WANTS TO SEE HAMILTON IS BECAUSE HE WATCHED ROB RIGGLE’S SPOOF VIDEO WHERE RIGGLE PLAYS JIMMY GAROPPOLO IN THE TITLE ROLE OF THE MADE-UP MUSICAL GAROPPOLO.
The sketch is, like, barely funny. It’s actually more painful than funny. But you know what? I’m not surprised, because Cousins is a guy who really likes painful music. Cousins likes Creed. In fact, his whole workout playlist is absolute trash from the early 2000s: It features Switchfoot, Mat Kearny, The Fray, and Parachute, which are all bands that I would actually pay you a significant amount of money NOT to play anywhere near my ears.
(Although, I have to be honest, “Arms Wide Open” isn’t the worst song in the world. It gives you a great excuse to do the Creed voice. Here, now you can have it stuck in your head all evening, too...
...you’re welcome!)
But anyway, Cousins’ music taste leads me to believe the list of musicals Cousins wants to go see reads something like this:
Charlotte Wilder, using a normal desk pen
I think this because Cats is the musical theater equivalent of Creed. Cats is a garbage piece of work that, like “Arms Wide Open” also gets stuck in my head for days at a time and makes me want to give its creator (Andrew Lloyd Weber, in this case) a swirly. I’m not even going to embed a YouTube link because I don’t want to inflict pain on you, dear reader. Hating Cats is just my personal cross to bear, but I will say that a quick poll of my SB Nation coworkers shows that most of them agree with me that it sucks, so I feel pretty bullet proof on this one. But come @ me.
Anyway, Cousins seems like a nice guy, so I really hope he does get to go see all the musical his heart desires. Even if five of them do turn out to be Cats.
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