To honor America: A look back at the last 5 Super Bowl national anthems

On Sunday, Lady Gaga will sing the national anthem at Super Bowl 50. Gaga, who sometime in the last two or three years swerved resolutely into mainstream-dom and/or had her essence sucked from her Monstars-style by Miley Cyrus, will probably not wear a meat dress. But how will she measure up against recent competition?

To prepare for this exercise, I listened to all five of the last Super Bowl national anthems at once. You can do so, too, but I must caution you that it is the stuff of nightmares and that in addition to confirming your beliefs about the impossibility of drowning out a Christina Aguilera riff, it will decrease your affection for football, America and the human voice by five percentage points. Proceed accordingly.

Listen to all five of the last Super Bowl national anthems at once.

For those who value their current enjoyment levels of football/America/larynxes, you’ll find the last five anthems below. Please rise.

1

1

Menzel is from New York City, so: anti-Patriots.

No.

4

Fleming performs coloratura, which sounds like Colorado. Pro-Broncos.

Still no.

14

She wore red. Obvious Niners homer.

Nope.

2

Clarkson, who grew up in Fort Worth, Texas, has actually recorded a Cowboys anthem. (“I wanna be a cowboy, baby. / I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be a cowboy, baby.”) She was probably not rooting for the Giants.

No.

5

Aguilera has rooted for the Steelers in the past.

No!

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