7 people you meet at Super Bowl Opening Night

On Monday night, literally the only thing of note happening in the world occurred at Minute Maid Park. Hundreds of journalists took the floor to ask the most important people in America, the athletes of the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots, what they thought about the upcoming Super Bowl. On occasion, those journalists tried to steer the conversation away from the business at hand, and were corrected.

To be at Super Bowl Opening Night is to feel like you’re at the center of the universe. It’s a who’s who of who’s who. Chris Berman, Michael Irvin, J.B. Smooth, and more all showed up, and were dressed to impressed. Truthfully, it was all pretty overwhelming. So many colorful personalities, and so little time. Here are a few people I met.

Mr. Assweiler was there for a good cause, and also probably lucky that Toro the Houston Texans mascot couldn’t see below his enormous chin.

I met one of the greatest athletes in the history of the world, and here is proof.

That tuft of hair just over that guy’s shoulder is the 4’9 Biles asking Tom Brady what his cheat day meal is. Brady’s answer was, “hamburgers.” Which brings me to ...

Here is a picture of the time I met Tom Brady:

Ah crud, that guy’s arm got in the way. Let me take a step to the right:

Hi Tom! Tom has a very positive attitude and isn’t sure one way or the other whether bad things happen in the world.

This man actually showed up last year, but dressed as a skier. His name is Phillip Hajszan. He like to go up to players and asking them to sing traditional Austrian folk songs. He has been the best thing about Media Day for six years now.

Just before the Patriots took the floor, a hush ran through the crowd. A man in a black robe descended the steps to the scrum pit, wearing a hat that seemed familiar, but distantly so. Then he shunned the robe, and the hush grew audible. As Kel Mitchell made his way to Tom Brady’s podium, people whispered, “Oh my god, it’s him!” in his wake. On a floor full of people of famous people, the only person who left anyone star struck was the lead character of a 20-year-old Nickelodeon show.

I spent 30 minutes in a scrum around Tom Brady so I could bring you this footage:

As of press time, that tweet has been retweeted 1,012 times. It was the single most productive thing I did yesterday.

This is the band that does that song that goes “FOLLOW ME INTO THE JUNGLE” during Sam Adams commercials. They played on stage in between when the Falcons and the Patriots had their media sessions, and ironically everyone heard FOLLOW ME INTO THE JUNGLE and left to go sit in a media center.

Not like he said anything big, though.