Two huge occurrences took place in America on Monday night. Neither of them had anything to do with politics, of course, because nothing interesting or terrifying ever happens in politics anymore. Sad!
NFL players weigh in at Super Bowl Opening Night: Is ‘The Bachelor’ sports?
This fierce debate is the most important thing happening in our country right now.
No, my friends, on Monday night, two American sports leagues hosted competing events: The NFL’s Super Bowl Media Night and The Bachelor’s Episode 5.
Look, I know some of you out there are still skeptical about whether The Bachelor is sports or not. I’ve made my case, like, a thousand times at this point. So, if I haven’t been able to convince you yet, I’m probably not going to be the one to do it.
But you know who might be? NFL players. So, because I was covering media night and couldn’t watch The Bachelor to write my weekly, important, and meaningful recap for you dedicated readers, I took it upon myself to ask Falcons and Patriots football players if The Bachelor is sports.
As the old saying goes: You can take the girl out of The Bachelor, but you can’t take The Bachelor out of the girl.
Here’s how the conversations went.
Keanu Neal, safety for the Falcons:
Me: “Hey, Keanu, I have a question: Do you think The Bachelor is sports?
Neal: “I don’t know, I’ve never watched it.”
Me: “It is.”
Neal: “It is?”
Me: “It totally is.”
Neal: “Haha, OK.”
Julian Edelman, wide receiver for the Patriots
Me: “Do you watch The Bachelor?”
Edelman: “I don’t.”
Me: “... do you wanna watch The Bachelor?”
Edelman: “You know, I got out of reality TV, like, those types of shows, probably when I was 22.”
Me: “Oh.”
Edelman: “Yeah, I know, I used to watch some of that stuff, but there’s a lot of other good stuff on TV.”
Me: “Well, do you think The Bachelor is sports?”
Edelman: “Is it a sport?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Edelman: “Isn’t there fantasy Bachelor leagues?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Edelman: “I mean, apparently it is a sport.”
Me: “That’s the right answer.”
Edelman: “I wanna play that sport.”
Other reporter wearing an ugly purple sweater: “Julian, let’s talk about football ...”
Aldrick Robinson, wide receiver for the Falcons:
Me: “Do you watch The Bachelor?”
Robinson: “No, I don’t.”
Me: “Well, do you think it’s sports?”
Robinson: “No, ain’t it a show about a guy?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Robinson: “Then no. You see, you see, sports is more. It’s a different type of competition. And competitive mindset. I don’t call cooking contests a sport. You know? Because it’s all opinionated. These football games are not opinionated, the winner of this game is the winner. You can’t speculate. You either won, or you did not.”
Me: “That’s a really good argument for it not being sports.”
Robinson: “Yeah well, I’m a philosopher.”
Me: “The Bachelor is still sports, though.”
Other reporter dude wearing pleated khaki pants: “Hey, Aldrick, got a question ...”
Stephen Gostkowski, kicker for the Patriots
Me: “Do you watch The Bachelor?”
Gostkowski: “I used to watch some of that stuff, my wife used to make me watch it. Is something good going on?”
Me: “Yeah it’s been great, lotta drama.”
Gostkowski: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah, I have a whole theory that The Bachelor is sports.”
Gostkowski: “Yeah, like a fantasy sports league?”
Me: “They do have a fantasy league for it!”
Gostkowski: “Wow.”
Me: “Right? Which is why I’m going around asking you guys if you think it’s sports.”
Gostkowski: “I think its fine entertainment.”
Me: “That’s a good out. But ... it could be sports.”
Mohamed Sanu, wide receiver for the Falcons
Me: “Do you think The Bachelor is sports?”
Sanu: “I never watched it. I don’t know if I can answer if I’ve never watched it. That’s a good question, though.”
Me: “It’s the next big sports league in America.”
Sanu: “I’ll have to look into it, then. I’ll check it out.”
Jimmy Staten, defensive end for the Falcons:
Me: “Do you watch The Bachelor?”
Staten: “You know, actually I have! I couldn’t tell you any names on it, but I watched it with a good friend of mine, she turned me onto it.”
Me: “Do you like it?”
Staten: “Yeah, I like it!”
Me: “Is it sports?”
Staten: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Like, is The Bachelor a sport.”
Staten: “Oh, is it a sport? No I wouldn’t call it a sport, because some people do find love on there, so.”
Ricardo Allen, safety for the Falcons:
Me: “Hey Ricardo, got a question. Is The Bachelor sports?”
Allen: “I know there’s like a fantasy Bachelor thing, but you can call sports whatever you want to, if you’re competing in something. So, sure.”
Me: “If you weren’t married, would you go on The Bachelor?”
Allen: “No, it’s not my type. I’m more for the laid back, behind-the-scenes kind of girl.”
De’Vondre Campbell, linebacker for the Falcons:
Me: “Is The Bachelor sports?”
Campbell: “I don’t even know what The Bachelor is.”
Welp, there you have it, folks. Some NFL players think The Bachelor is sports. Some don’t. But trust me: The Bachelor is sports.
See More:
