Gronk should be White House press secretary, for real

The Patriots went to the White House on Wednesday, because going to the White House is a thing you do when you win the Super Bowl (after beating a team that had a 25-point lead, I might add). Some players refused to go, but Rob Gronkowski was very much there.

Of course Gronk was there — he probably hasn’t missed a single party or celebratory gathering in his entire life.

Seeing as he’s never been one to shy away from the spotlight, Gronk crashed Sean Spicer’s shit show press conference. He asked the press secretary, “Sean, need any help?” To which Spicer replied, “I think I got this, but thank you.”

Here’s the thing: Sean Spicer 100 percent does not “got this.” Do you remember last week, when Spicer made not one, but at least THREE separately fucked up comments about Adolf Hitler on THE FIRST DAY OF PASSOVER?

Yeah, he did that! The White House press secretary said that Hitler never gassed his own people! You know what else Sean Spicer has done? Lied with alarming regularity through the huge clumps of cinnamon gum in his mouth that he then swallows (the gum, not the lies — those, he spits out into the world).

So here’s what I’m suggesting: I think Spicer should’ve said, “You know what, Rob? I sure could use a hand!” And then stepped off the podium, walked into Trump’s office, which I guess is the Oval Office now (which is still just absolutely shocking), and told his boss that he was quitting.

Because not only is Spicer really bad at his job, he’s also clearly not having any fun doing it. The dude looks absolutely miserable up there whenever he has to talk to reporters from the failing New York Times, who write all the fake news his boss hates so much.

Check it out, does this look like the face of a guy who loves his life?

Or this?

Or this?

No. You know what does? This:

Gronk has more fun in his pinky finger than Spicer has in his entire oversized-suit-clad body. Gronk could have fun getting his wisdom teeth out after the pain meds wore off. Gronk could have fun watching Gigli. Gronk can’t not have fun.

So let’s imagine the fun Gronk would have if he were to take over from Spicer:

[Press conference at the White House, Gronk calls on Glenn Thrush]

Thrush: “Hey, Rob, how many executive orders does President Trump plan to sign this week?”

Gronk: “I’d say around 69 or so.” *giggles*

[Gronk calls on April Ryan]

Ryan: “How much money is President Trump expecting his wall to cost?”

Gronk: “$69 million.” *cracks up completely*

Look, all I’m saying is that it’s almost impossible to be worse at this job than Spicer is, so we might as well have someone who enjoys doing it. And, honestly, I’m less worried about Gronk making messed-up “Hitler wasn’t as bad as Assad” (I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist) comments than I am his spiking a reporter’s notebook. At this point, I’d gladly take the latter.