The NBA playoffs have been boring because we’ve known how they’d end the whole time

We’ve been talking a lot here at SB Nation about the narratives surrounding these NBA Playoffs. Have they been boring? Have they been a waste of time? Have they been worth it because they will inevitably culminate in the explosion of yet another Golden State-Cleveland matchup? Or will those Finals, which have been so built-up, disappoint?

Zito Madu and Charlotte Wilder are two writers who’ve been talking to each other about the narrative of the playoffs while they procrastinate writing stuff. So, instead of continuing to waste time with each other, they’re going to waste it with you by putting it on this website.

Come on in, the water’s fine.

OK, so, here’s the thing: Everyone is obsessed with whether these playoffs are objectively Good or Bad, right? If they’re boring or not, and, if so, whether the boring is worth it because we’re going to get such fireworks in the Finals ... allegedly.

Part of me thinks it’ll be hilarious if the games just suck.

That’s the fear that’s at the end of, “the Finals will be great so the playoffs don’t matter,” right? There’s a lot of anxiety and hope riding on it. But under that is the fact that Golden State, with Kevin Durant, might just destroy the Cavs.

LeBron is great and Golden State is a superpower so logically, it should be a great series. But the Warriors were up 3-1 last year ... before they added Kevin Durant

Ah yes, the old 3-1 lead. Heard of it.

But yeah, — they were the Bad Guys in a movie who get beaten, go back to their lair, and are like, “Hmmm what’s the most powerful weapon we can add to our arsenal? Ah, how about the Heat-Seeking-Missile-with-a-Goatee Kevin Durant!”

So these Finals have been a forgone conclusion since the start of the season, and now it’s here. You could argue that when we look back on this years from now, when the noise of the talking heads’ voices has quieted and the blog posts crumbled into internet dust, we’ll be left with a testament to the game of basketball being played at an incredible level.

I’m just not convinced it’s as fun to watch a movie when you know the gist of the ending, you know?

So, I think that the whole argument that we should be happy just watching two of the best teams ever play basketball at the highest level is a very writerly/insider stance for people who see themselves as fans of the game and not fans of a team.

People watch basketball to see their teams beat other teams, and to at least have a chance at winning something. When the playoffs become ceremonial, it’s no fun at all. Even if, say, the Wizards were always going to lose to the Celtics, the fun part is getting close to winning. To have the hope that your team can achieve something.

And I agree, it’s not really fun when you know the ending. There’s no surprise to it, you’re just going through the emotions and having to force some sort of narrative to it

That’s such a good point — the distinction between fans of the game and fans of a team. I think it’s easy to take this historical, 10,000-foot view where you’re like, “BUT THE BASKETBALL WAS GOOD!”

Sure, if all you care about is what will eventually become the Canon of NBA History. But what it means is the suspense is taken out of a series like Celtics vs. Cavs. To me, a truly good sports game means having no idea what will happen and maintaining the tension during it. I love that there’s no way someone could leak the end of Wizards-Celts game because we just didn’t know what it would be!

I’m a Celtics fan, and as soon as they beat the Wizards in that awesome series, it was deflating, because I was like, welp, we had a good run ... before the last lap even started. And that sucks!

Yup. I think people have readily admitted that they haven’t been into these playoffs precisely because there’s no tension or excitement. And at that point we might as well turn off the TV and go read a Jonathan Franzen novel.

Ew, Zito. I’d rather watch a fucking ... quidditch game than read a Franzen novel

Well that’s what these playoffs have been.

Wait ... [*mind explodes with revelation*]

It’s like someone telling you to enjoy how technically brilliant a novel is and how the author uses grammar perfectly, but it’s a story about some boring, middle-class white dude and his struggle with finding himself. The promise of it is that it tells you some great thing about the human condition at the end. While it can, there’s no fun in reading about an old man who’s never really struggled beyond a brief moment when the girl who was too good for him left him.

I mean, I could talk for hours about how much I hate Jonathan Franzen. The only thing I’d push back on with this analogy is that we have had some great playoff moments, like Harden vs. Russ, and when the Bulls fell apart, and when Kelly Olynyk — KELLY OLYNYK — had 26 points off the bench. And sure, if these Finals are as good as we’re hoping, then that’ll be really fun. I can’t deny that.

But while these playoff moments were fun, they were like little plot twists when you still know the general gist of the ending. And getting all your suspense from the Finals puts a lot of on the Finals: There were only a few games from last year that were super fun during Cavs-Warriors matchup. Game 7 gave us spectacular tension, but the other games were trash and uneven a lot of the time. So we’re not guaranteed this spectacular product by any means.

Then the question becomes: Even if it ends up being amazing, how many more years of this do we have? Until Steph eventually, maybe, perhaps goes to Charlotte? Like ... what’s the point and when does it become anyone’s game again?

Well, the argument there is that it’s never been anyone’s game. Just like life, the rich usually always come out on top, and the exceptions — like the Mavericks — are just that. People don’t have a problem with giants or dynasties.

But we still like to see these teams actually tested. It’s better for the league to have a small crop of great teams vs. 30 average ones, but the crop of greats have to be close together in order for us to know just how exceptional the winners really are. The Spurs beating the Heat, or even the Heat winning over OKC, was great because those superteams were pushed before that. Look at how close the series before the Finals in 2012 were. Miami fell behind Indiana and Boston, while OKC lost the first two to San Antonio before rallying.

The greatness of that Miami team was much more apparent and fulfilling because they were challenged. They were pushed and had to adjust. They overcame Chris Bosh’s injury and eventually discovered that he should play center. We learned something about them on the way to the Finals. It wasn’t just a boring trudge to what we hoped would be a great ending

Right.

I guess by anyone’s game, I meant exactly what you just clarified: there are at least more than two title-worthy teams.

The idea of being pushed though — I agree that that’s what makes a great team greater and impressive. You said earlier today when we were chatting that we haven’t learned anything about the Cavs or the Warriors that we didn’t already know before the Playoffs started. I think that’s partly why it’s been easy for people to turn on the Warriors, because we haven’t had to see them stretch or grow or struggle this year, They’ve just walked in and fly-swatted, and to me that can feel almost ... condescending?

It was funny when Draymond Green said that watching the Cavs was boring because the games were so lopsided, because it had a sense of projection and irony to it. Golden State’s games have been the same way. Durant recently said that fans could just not watch instead, which is hilarious because it would be the worst outcome for him and the league. (He later clarified those comments).

The Warriors are the Empire who lost one battle and decided to get a planet killer on top of the Death Star they already had. There’s not much you can do against it, and we’re banking on the hope that LeBron is the resistance that can topple them. That’s really the only excitement here.

It’s kind of like a Super Hero movie. LeBron is the guy who rips open his shirt and becomes this mutant, this beating heart of a man paired with superhuman strength.

Well, LeBron is the underdog against the Warriors right? Which is a hilarious thing because against anyone else, he’s clearly the unstoppable object. But that’s just how unfair this Golden State team is. A superteam led by one of the best players to ever play the game is still the underdog.

Oh god what if LeBron gets hurt? The fact that if one player gets hurt it could make the thing we’ve waited for this whole time not that fun is kind of incredible.

I was originally someone who thought, “Superteams are fun! Because it’s the pinnacle of the sport! And dynasties can be fun and then they fall and that’s dramatic too!” But also I’m a Patriots fan, so...

Yeah, there are about a million ways that it could go wrong for the Cavs. If LeBron isn’t constantly superhuman, they will lose. They lost Game 3 against a Celtics team without Isaiah Thomas because LeBron had a bad game. Against the Warriors, not only is he not allowed to have a bad game, but he has to repeat what he did last year in leading almost all statistical categories. Even that might not be enough because Durant is right up there with him as the best players in the league

Ugh. Now I’m kind of depressed.

I’m still excited, I guess, but it’s more of a, “Thank god it’s finally here and we can get to the thing we’ve been waiting for” rather than a “THIS IS GOING TO ROCK NO MATTER WHAT!” It’s like your friends’ wedding where the wedding shower sucked and the bachelorette weekend mostly sucked except for that one weird night, so you’re hoping the actually wedding doesn’t blow.

It also depends on what side you’re on.

If you’re a fan of the Warriors, this is your petty vengeance. This is getting punched in the face and coming back with a tank. There’s a good chance you’ll crush the David that knocked down your Goliath a year ago and do so in the most dominating fashion. As a fan of pettiness, I can enjoy that.

But if you’re on the other end, there’s a lot of anxiety going into the Finals, and the Warriors have a lot of rest to boot. They’re going into the Finals untested and in the best condition possible.

PLOT TWIST: Do you think Joe Lacob actually replaced the Warriors with robots and we just haven’t realized it yet?

Well, they are light years ahead, so he could very well have replaced them with super robots from some distant planet. Can never rule anything out in this flat earth of ours.

I’m just waiting for the day all the basketballs roll off the edge and we can’t play anymore because we lost them and also we have to go do our homework.

Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is that it’s been interesting to watch so many people defend these teams and playoffs in the name of Good Basketball. I think it’s actually OK to admit that this has kind of sucked.

Yeah, it’s pretty much the posturing of higher intelligence. That others just don’t get the high art of something that is boring as hell.

I’m here for low art. But not Franzen. This basketball blog brought to you by how much Franzen sucks.

R.I.P. Franzen

We hardly knew ye.