WWE Great Balls of Fire 2017 results: Brock Lesnar retains Universal title; Roman Reigns, Braun Strowman go to war

When WWE announced Great Balls of Fire as its July Raw pay-per-view, pretty much everybody made fun of the name. We had even more fun with it when the logo was revealed to be ... well, you figure it out.

Still, the actual card itself was largely good, with few outright duds and plenty of excellent matches. As expected, Brock Lesnar is still Universal Champion, but Samoa Joe sure made it close. And the Roman Reigns-Braun Strowman feud escalated into literal attempted murder, which kind of came out of nowhere but opens up some interesting storyline directions.

Elsewhere, Alexa Bliss took the coward’s way out and will surely get hers one day, while Sheamus & Cesaro retained the tag titles in arguably the best wrestling match of the night. Hopefully the Raw brand is finally ready to wrap up some stagnant storylines and wipe the slate clean as SummerSlam approaches. Great Balls of Fire was far from perfect, but it was a mostly enjoyable three hours of wrestling.

Let’s recap the show, starting with the main event and going all the way down to the pre-show.

An incredible feud and buildup paid off with a match that wasn’t long, but made up for it with intensity and suspense. Despite losing, Joe just about had Brock’s number the whole way.

Before the match even started, Joe jumped Lesnar and slammed him through the announce table. Lesnar took forever to get in the ring, and by the time the bell rang Joe dominated him once again. Brock finally started getting in some offense, throwing knees into Joe on the corner.

Joe tried the Coquina Clutch, but couldn’t hook the legs and Brock broke the hold by driving him into the turnbuckle. Then Brock hit a German suplex, changing the course of the match. From there it was Suplex City time, until Joe hit a low blow that the ref didn’t see. He got the clutch locked back in, making Brock’s face turn purple just like he promised. However, Lesnar lifted up Joe and slammed him to break the choke.

Back to the German suplexes. Brock tried an F-5 but Joe got the Coquina Clutch for a third time. Brock dropped to his knees again, and came close to passing out, but he found one last burst of energy to hit the F-5 and retain the title.

A wild and fun feud came to a head here, with a chaotic post-match scene that was easily the most most violent, talked-about moment of the entire show.

There’s a lot to digest here, but first, let’s go over the actual match.

As the name implies, the only way to win this match is by putting your opponent in an ambulance. Thankfully there was no feeling-out process, with both men just beating the hell out of each other right at the start.

Strowman got some steel stairs and went to town on Reigns, who recovered enough to get back in the ring. The fight continued to be one-sided in Strowman’s favor, aside from some brief hope spots by Reigns.

Reigns got the comeback with a Samoan Drop and apron dropkick. He then went to work on Strowman’s surgically elbow, targeting the bad arm and nailing it with a chair. But Braun powered up and was completely unaffected by the chair shots, before taking control of the match once again.

The match finally spilled out onto the entrance ramp and close to the ambulance. Strowman threw Reigns into the side of the ambulance and opened the back door, nearly putting Roman inside before he escaped. A series of Superman Punches threatened to knock Strowman inside the ambulance, but Braun grabbed a backboard and beat Roman with it. They fought back on the stage and Roman drove Strowman through the LED screens in one of the coolest spots of the night.

Roman tried crawling Braun’s limp body back to the ambulance, but Strowman got back on his feet and dodged a spear, sending Roman flying into the ambulance and giving Strowman the win.

Although Reigns lost the match, he stuffed Strowman into the ambulance anyway, driving into the parking lot. Then things went from zero to 11, when Roman crashed the ambulance into a trailer and walked away, presumably leaving Braun to his death.

While general manager Kurt Angle and other officials tried to get the ambulance open, Curt Hawkins and Heath Slater had a match nobody could even pretend to care about. Heath Slater won, just for the record. Meanwhile, the fire department showed up and finally opened up the ambulance. Strowman emerged alive, but was bloodied up and could barely stand. Bruan eventually walked away under his own power.

So ... that was a thing that happened. The story is far from over, so we can certainly expect more followup on this week’s episode of Raw.

Hopefully this feud is finally done and over with. Let Miz do literally anything else with the title.

Miz is accompanied by his new lackeys, Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas, who are still called “The Miztorouge” for some reason.

Predictably, Axel and Dallas spent the entire match running interference for Miz. Otherwise, it’s a standard Miz/Ambrose match, which we’ve seen way too much of lately. Ambrose ended up bleeding from the mouth at some point.

Miz worked over the knee for a long time, including a Figure Four to further aggravate it. Ambrose started a comeback and dove onto the entourage from the top rope. He hit Dirty Deeds in the ring, but Maryse put Miz’s foot on the rope to break up the pin. Axel and Dallas got involved once again, and in the chaos Miz hit Skull Crushing Finale to win the match and keep his title.

Good wrestling with an anticlimactic finish, which describes most WWE matches these days.

They start off with some basic grappling and Alexa powders to the outside after Sasha hits her flush with a dropkick. Alexa appeared to have dislocated her elbow, but she’s double-jointed so it was a ruse to lure in Sasha with a stiff shot.

Sasha went for the Bank Statement early but Alexa rolled out of the ring. She tried walking out on the match before Sasha dragged her back to the ring. Sasha took a nasty spill on the ring apron, which led to Alexa controlling the match and working over her opponent’s back.

The match shifted back into Sasha’s favor as she started her comeback, nailing Alexa with a kick and running knee for a two-count. Alexa came back with a flashy sunset flip out of the corner, getting a nearfall out of it. She went up top and tried Twisted Bliss, but Sasha got the knees up and countered into the Bank Statement, which Alexa barely escaped by grabbing the rope.

After some more fighting, Alexa stayed on the outside and took the count out loss, keeping her title in the process. Getting screwed out of the title, Sasha brawled with Alexa on the entrance ramp, at one point jumping off the announce table and nailing the champ with double knees.

The stipulation of this match is that there’s a hard 30-minute time limit, and the team with the most pinfalls in that limit wins the match. The current champs nearly blew a 3-1 lead, but a frenetic final seconds ensured that they’re still on top of the Raw tag division.

Sheamus immediately pinned Matt with a Brogue Kick, putting Sheamus & Cesaro up 1-0 in 20 seconds. However, that was the most action we saw for a while, as the next 10 minutes were basic WWE tag team stuff. If you’ve seen the Hardys and Sheamus/Cesaro wrestle each other over the past three months, you’ve seen this match about 5,000 times.

A double-team move on Jeff put Sheamus & Cesaro up 2-0 with around 20 minutes left. The Hardys finally got on the board when Jeff hit Twist of Fate on Cesaro, making the score Sheamus & Cesaro up 2-1 with 17 minutes to go. Matt and Sheamus brawled on the outside, but before Matt could get back in the ring, Cesaro knocked him out on the post, forcing the Hardys into losing a count out fall. Sheamus & Cesaro up 3-1.

Sheamus & Cesaro, with a comfortable lead, continued beating Matt within an inch of his life. Matt attempted a comeback and Jeff finally got back into the match, pinning Cesaro with a split-legged move ... thing. Sheamus & Cesaro up 3-2 with less than seven minutes left.

With the clock running under five minutes, the nearfalls came fast and furious. Matt hit Sheamus with Twist of Fate off the top rope, getting a three-count and tying up the match at 3-3 with less than three minutes to go. Jeff tagged back in and wiped out both of his opponents with a dive off the top. Back in the ring, Jeff and Matt both hit a crossbody on Sheamus, but Cesaro broke up the pin. One minute left, Matt kicked out of a rollup attempt and tagged in Jeff, who hit the Swanton Bomb on Sheamus. However, Sheamus wasn’t the legal man, so Cesaro rolled in and pinned Jeff instead, putting up Sheamus & Cesaro 4-3. Jeff chased Cesaro back in the ring and dropped him with Twist of Fate, but he couldn’t get the pin before time ran out.

Turns out you can’t teach size, after all.

Before the match started, Enzo cut a long, passionate promo about his life and dreams crashing down due to Cass’ betrayal, but he’s determined to keep fighting. It was an incredible promo, even by Enzo’s lofty standards.

The actual match mostly went as expected, with the much taller Cass rag-dolling Enzo around the ring. He dumped Enzo over the ropes like yesterday’s garbage, making Enzo go splat on the floor. In the end, the outcome was rarely in doubt — Cass pinned Enzo with a big boot without much effort.

Hey, Bray Wyatt actually won a match on pay-per-view!

Rollins teased a dive early on, but Wyatt blocked it with a punch. Rollins took a nasty-looking bump to the outside, slamming his face hard on the ring apron. A superplex off the top rope got a two-count for Wyatt.

Wyatt continued controlling the match until Rollins dodged a running senton. He hit a dropkick, suicide dive, and springboard forearm to get a nearfall. Rollins then hit a Slingblade and Blockbuster for another two-count. Wyatt hit a huge clothesline, but Rollins popped back up and nailed the Falcon Arrow. Wyatt then came back with a uranage that Rollins barely managed to kick out of. Behind the referee’s back, Wyatt poked Rollins in the eye and hit Sister Abigail for the victory.

In fitting symbolism, the first match of WWE Great Balls of Fire ended with a dick kick.

With Titus O’Neal assisting him at ringside, Tozawa got a brief burst of offense before Neville went on to dominate the majority of the match. Tozawa made his comeback and hit a pair of beautiful dives to get a nearfall. He got Neville locked into an octopus stretch, forcing the English champion to hit the ropes for a break.

Neville got back into control with some stiff kicks, putting down Tozawa for a two-count. Neville missed a Phoenix Splash and Tozawa fired back with a Shining Wizard. He hit his senton drop finisher, but Neville rolled to the outside to avoid getting pinned. Tozawa got crotched on the ropes and Neville nailed him with a low blow to get the win.