Kyle Shanahan’s first game as an NFL coach will come this Sunday when his 49ers host the Panthers. It will also be a reunion between Shanahan and Panthers rookie running back Christian McCaffrey:
Kyle Shanahan should start an NFL version of ‘The Baby-Sitters Club’
Shanahan is a total Kristy Thomas.
McCaffrey wasn’t the only kid Shanahan babysat for, either. He also used to watch Gary Kubiak’s three sons. In February, Kubiak told 49ers beat writer Eric Branch all about Shanahan’s babysitting prowess:
“I remember the funniest story,” Kubiak said, “one time Kyle hung one of my kids by his underwear on the doorknob.”
Clearly, Shanahan was a natural — a real Kristy Thomas, a reference for those who grew up devouring The Baby-Sitters Club series. And that would make him the only legitimate choice to start up an NFL version of The Baby-Sitters Club, which is the exact kind of innocent frivolity the league needs right now.
With only seven positions available in this exclusive, members-only club (whoever the hell Abby is, she’s not canon, as far as we’re concerned), here’s who we think would round out the crew:
Kyle Shanahan as Kristy Thomas, the leader
Kristy is the founder of The Baby-Sitters Club, and she is an effing boss. She even coaches her own little league team. Somehow, she lived in the same house as younger stepsister Karen (who had her own spinoff series) and didn’t lose her damn mind.
Shanahan also has a sister, and he apparently used her for babysitting help.
Huh, he even preferred to pass all those years ago.
(We bet Kristy would have run the ball.)
Odell Beckham Jr. as Claudia Kishi, the creative one
Claudia is popular and loves junk food and fashion. Beckham doesn’t look like he’s ever eaten a piece of candy in his life, but the man’s got style.
And it looks like he’s already lined up a gig babysitting Damon Harrison’s son:
Claudia would approve of that avant-garde outfit, no doubt.
Marcus Mariota as Mary Anne Spier, the quiet one
If you ever wondered, “can Marcus Mariota REALLY be that nice?” the answer is yes. I mean, check out Kevin Clark’s profile on him at The Ringer:
Mariota won’t tell you these stories, but everyone else will. Like the time he drove three hours to fix a teammate’s car. How he always makes the bed — even when he’s staying at a hotel. And the way he neatly puts cafeteria items away for other teammates — and guilts them into doing the same.
Just like Mary Anne, Mariota may not say much, but you can always count on him.
Patrick Peterson as Stacey McGill, the one with diabetes
If you’re talking diabetes, two NFL players immediately come to mind: Peterson and Jay Cutler. But Stacey isn’t just diabetic. She’s also cool and sophisticated.
So yeah, Pat P it is.
Tom Brady as Dawn Schafer, the Californian
Dawn moved from California to New England and has an obnoxious obsession with health food. OK, we get it. You love Swiss chard.
Andy Dalton as Mallory Pike, the forgotten one
Yes, they’re both redheads, but they’re also just kind of ... there. You never think too much about them. Or at all, really.
Even Ann M. Martin, author of BSC, said she didn’t have “strong feelings” about Mallory.
On the one hand, poor Mallory and Andy. On the other hand ... who?
Gerald McCoy as Jessi Ramsey, the dancer
Anyone who watched Hard Knocks this season knows that McCoy’s got some moves, just like ballerina Jessi.
HBO
And he’s even got some moves while being great with kids:
McCoy and Jessi might not be the most prominent members, but with their fun-loving personalities, they’re the ones you’d most want to hang out with.
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