The NBA Draft lottery is the world’s greatest farce

It is all too fitting that in the final year of the NBA Draft lottery as we have known it for 24 years, the two teams in the Eastern Conference Finals — the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Boston Celtics — could have end up with the top two picks, all because of a bunch of players who (excepting one) won’t matter a lick in said Eastern Conference Finals.

(They didn’t, but it’s amazing to think they could have).

The NBA is littered with brilliant farces. None are greater than the lottery. The 2018 version is a perfect send-off as reform sets in for 2019.

The Celtics had a small chance to pick No. 2 or 3. Why? Because the Lakers foolishly traded picks for Steve Nash years ago, and the Suns foolishly traded the most valuable of those picks for Brandon Knight, and the Sixers traded a shot at that pick along with one of their own (hello, Jayson Tatum) to get the No. 1 pick in 2017 and select Markelle Fultz.

Because that Lakers’ pick didn’t land at Nos. 2 or 3, the Sixers — who were Boston’s rival in the Eastern Conference semifinals, mind you — nabbed it. It could have been No. 1 (imagine Philadelphia adding a No. 1 pick to its core!), but ended up landing at No. 10 (another blue chipper or trade asset for the Sixers).

The Cavaliers had a pretty decent chance to pick in the top three, but ended up at No. 8. Why did they have this chance? Because the Nets foolishly traded Boston a grip of picks for Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce years ago, and Kyrie Irving got tired of playing with LeBron James, so Cleveland traded him to Boston for one of those picks plus Isaiah Thomas, who didn’t mesh with James at all and got traded in a deal that makes it easier for the Lakers to poach James this summer.

Got that?

It’s all ridiculous and absurd and crazy that a multi-billion league would allow its future to be dictated by these wild contingencies and long-term domino rallies and actual ping-pong ball lottery drawings.

But it’s perfectly NBA, isn’t it?

Luka Doncic is a teenager who might be the best player in Europe. Not the best young player, not the best draft prospect — the best player. Statistics indicate he is better at this age than Pau Gasol, Dirk Nowitzki, Ricky Rubio, or any other international player was.

His basketball future depended on a drawing, and his rights were nearly transferred because of a trade involving a bunch of retired players and fired executives.

Even once you get past the trades that landed already awesome teams in the mix for the best young prospects, consider that eight teams did their best to be their worst for much of the season.

This is a bigger farce than even the Celtics, Sixers, and Cavaliers looking for lottery luck: eight teams openly tanked in one way or another to boost their odds at a high pick. (The linked piece was written in February. The Knicks joined the quest for the bottom around that time.) One other team, the Nets, still hobbled by the aforementioned trade for now-retired players, couldn’t help but lose because of, uh, that aforementioned trade for now-retired players.

The Phoenix Suns had the best odds of winning the No. 1 pick after being the NBA’s worst team this season and won the prize to get the No. 1 pick. Consider, for a second, how absurd their last half-decade has been.

We’ll see what happens now. The odds for more question marks are high.

Consider the Sacramento Kings, who have the No. 2 pick. Do you know how many times Lady Luck had smiled upon the Sacramento Kings in those 11 lotteries? Once, in 2017. And now a second time.

And do you know why Lady Luck’s smile turned into hysterical laughter at Sacramento’s expense in 2017? Because that was the year the Kings had a pick swap option with the Sixers. The one time the lottery tossed Sacramento a bone over 11 years was the year Sacramento owed a bone to Philadelphia. How very droll.

You had Memphis back in the lottery, at No. 4 overall. Do you recall the biggest moment in Grizzlies’ franchise history? It came at the 2003 NBA Draft, also known as the LeBron James Sweepstakes. The Grizzlies owed Detroit their lottery pick, but it was No. 1 protected. If the pick landed No. 1, Memphis kept it. If it landed anywhere else, it’d go to the Pistons.

The pick landed ... No. 2. The Memphis Grizzlies were thisfreakingclose to drafting LeBron James, but lottery’s gonna lottery. Now Memphis has the second-best shot at the top pick in 2018, with at least one franchise-shaking prospect available. Get your barf bucket ready.

(The Pistons, then one of the best teams in the NBA, of course took Darko Milicic over Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh. The Pistons do not have a lottery pick in 2018 despite missing the playoffs. Why? Stan Van Gundy traded the pick in January. He was fired last week. Welp.)

Can we talk about the Cavaliers again for a second? They won that big ol’ sweepstakes back in 2003. They failed to build a champion around James over seven years. So he left.

In his wake, Cleveland won three of the next four lotteries. Then James decided to go back. None of the No. 1 picks are on the Cavaliers any more. The best of them, Irving, was only a Cavaliers player in the first place because the Clippers foolishly traded an unprotected pick to get Laura Dern’s boyfriend, Baron Davis, out of their lives.

And now, thanks to another unprotected pick changing hands for a mercurial, amazing point guard, Cleveland was in position to still draft another future all-star in the lottery, and still could at No. 8.

What a tangled web of absurdity. Heavens bless the NBA Draft lottery, the greatest farce in a world full of them.

This piece was originally posted before the results of the lottery. It has been updated.