The Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame did a hell of a thing this week. It managed to create a bronze likeness of soccer star Brandi Chastain so impressively inaccurate it sparked debate not over Chastain’s bonafides as a tremendous athlete, but which old, rich, white guy wound up on her plaque instead:
Mickey Rooney, old Biff Tannen, and 15 other people we think the Brandi Chastain plaque looks like
We’re ... so sorry, Ms. Chastain. Really.
The creature immortalized in the plaque is clearly not the U.S. soccer star. So who is it, exactly? After a long debate, SB Nation writers and editors came up with a list of potential candidates.
Number one child star of 1939 and 1940 (spanning two decades!), Mickey Rooney — Jenn Holmes
Old Biff Tannen from Back to the Future — Sam Eggleston
Wet, seemingly toothless Pete Carroll — Morgan Moriarty
Drag racing superstar John Force — Joe Lanek
Rob by-god Ryan (and, by extension, his brother Rex) — Ryan Van Bibber
“A racist farmer from a movie that I can’t think of played by a character actor I can’t think of” — Whitney McIntosh
[PHOTO UNAVAILABLE]
John Madden — Grant Brisbee
Radio host Mike Francesa (hoooo, boy, this one is uncomfortably close) — Richard Johnson
Washington State head football coach and pirate enthusiast Mike Leach — Brian Floyd
Local insurance salesman-looking former Florida head football coach Jim McElwain — Morgan Moriarty, Spencer Hall
Which naturally led to this ...
Robert Redford, specifically from The Sting — Ryan Nanni
Ol’ Tater Salad himself, comedian Ron White — Brian Floyd
Former Michigan head coach Brady Hoke — Pete Volk
Legendary pro wrestling manager and commentator Bobby “the Brain” Heenan — Jason Kirk
An aging Nick Nolte — multiple people
An aging Jon Voight — multiple people
A still-kinda-with-it Gary Busey — Christian D’Andrea
Needless to say, if the comparison points for your plaque of one of the most celebrated female athletes of her generation is nothing but old men, something went wrong.
Horribly, horribly wrong.
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