The Memphis Grizzlies decided to get cute on Twitter Thursday. In the process, they exposed their own ignorance; no one at the franchise, especially not rookie Jaren Jackson Jr., actually knows how to play Scrabble.
The Memphis Grizzlies tweeted an affront to the game of ‘Scrabble’
YOU CAN’T JUST PUT LETTERS WHEREVER YOU LIKE! THERE ARE RULES.
Just look at this abomination:
At first, you think you’re looking at your typical offseason fluff photo-op. Once you take a closer look, however, you realize you’re dealing with an affront to the game of Scrabble and, thus, America itself.
Here’s a detailed list of EVERYTHING that’s wrong with the Grizz’s horribly-detailed novelty Scrabble board.
- See that star in the center of the board? That’s where you’re supposed to start, Memphis. You can’t just throw letters down wherever you like. That’s chaos.
- Speaking of, ALL YOUR TILES are supposed to be connected to the other tiles at some point. These islands the Grizzlies have got going? Totally illegal.
- You can’t even spell “Grizzlies” with a regulation Scrabble game. There’s only one “Z.” That brings up the possibility Memphis purchased TWO oversized novelty game kits and ignored TWO oversized novelty rule books in the process.
- You can’t spell “GRIZZLIES” with one turn since you only get to hold seven tiles at a time. That means the team’s name, much like this entire board, was built from “LIES.”
- The “N” that serves as the fulcrum between “WIN” and “NOW” is upside down. It is the only tile that is upside down on the whole board. This is not technically a rule violation, but, man oh man, is it frustrating once you’ve noticed it.
- The only word on the entire board to fill up a coveted Triple Word Score space is “JAREN.” Is that because you’re putting him ahead of the team, or just because you’re too stupid to take advantage of free points, even while cheating?
- “JAREN” is a proper noun, and thus impermissible to play.
- “NBA” is an initialism and similarly bullshit.
- Oh, wow, who’s the genius who played “GO” on a double word score space? Enjoy those six points, asshole.
This is an abomination. Scrabble is America’s greatest contribution to terrible family board game nights. It’s the game you turn to after 45 minutes of Monopoly has left your den in shambles and created deep-seeded feelings of resentment between siblings. It’s supposed to bring people together in the spirit of pedantic correction. Jackson and the Grizzlies made a complete mockery of it with their Tweet Thursday.
Not only is this ludicrous, it is also nonsensical, outlandish, preposterous, incongruous, laughable, and farcical. If I were Jackson, I wouldn’t just demand a trade away from the team so willing to throw him under the bus, I would insist, require, solicit, appeal, and order one.
You can even do it covertly, since it’s clear no one in Memphis is actually looking at the team’s oversized novelty Scrabble board:
See More:
