Jim Tomsula is back, swearing near children and salting up beers

Jim Tomsula is not an accomplished NFL head coach. He went just 6-11 in two different stints with the San Francisco 49ers.

He is, however, an endearing fella and useful assistant. The last 24 hours of his training camp with Washington are proof.

Tomsula has been Washington’s defensive line coach since 2017, but was relatively anonymous in his first season with the club. He hasn’t been as quiet in 2018, where a handful of totally harmless antics have just proven he’d be one of the best coaches in the league to sit down with and grab a beer. So here’s what his last day+ has consisted of, and how weird it’s been:

We’re lacking specific examples aside from Ryan’s tweet, but two swears in three sentences is a solid ratio. Not quite “Scottish man at a soccer game” levels, but still good. Football coaches swear. Football players swear. Any parent bringing their child to training camp should know and understand this.

Weirdness rating: 2/10. It’s not ideal to swear around children. Unless you’re creative and they’re taking notes. Gotta pass something down to the next generation, you know?

So. Huh. Several questions arise here, the most pressing being “why is Jim Tomsula riding a bicycle through the rain?” It could be for exercise, but Washington’s no doubt got loads of stationery bikes indoors, where the odds of getting soaked are low and odds of getting struck by lightning even lower.

Was he arriving at the facility after biking there from home, in the rain, like a man whose car won’t start unless he breathes into a tube connected to the ignition? Was he just taking a leisurely, top-gear jaunt through a bunch of cars? Was he playing chicken with departing journalists, cursing to the heavens each time a near-miss made him feel alive?

Weirdness rating: 8/10. Tomsula would have 18 years old when the movie Rad came out. There’s no way it hasn’t shaped him as a human. My bet is this was a loving tribute, and he was practicing his bike dancing in an effort to woo Lori Loughlin.

This isn’t all that strange. Freezing cold Pabst is a good start, and a little salt can change up the flavor if you’re getting sick of the same old Milwaukee-perfected lager. Maybe it’s a little weird that a guy who made $14 million in his lone year of coaching the Niners is drinking a beer that costs $4.19 for a six-pack of tall boys, but hell, respect for the man’s roots.

Plus, once you hit 50, you’re allowed to drink your beer however the hell you want, judgment free. He could be pouring Coors Lights over ice or adding chocolate syrup to his Schiltz and it’d make sense.

What does bother me, however, is that Tomsula is from Homestead, PA — just outside Pittsburgh. What’s he doing drinking PBR and not Iron City? Iron City already tastes like carbonated butter, so adding salt to it would make it popcorn juice. At the very least, make it a Yuengling, Jim. You can get that pretty much everywhere nowadays.

Weirdness rating: 3/10. A pinch of salt in your beer, then a pinch on your coaster to keep it from sticking to your glass. That way, you get the beer to your lips faster and ensure the highest possible rate of dehydration in the process. Jim Tomsula loves hangovers.