The United States government just endorsed Hokie Bird as the king and lord of all turkeys

The yearly tradition of the pardoning of the turkeys took a weird turn Monday as the United States government officially recognized Virginia Tech mascot Hokie Bird as the supreme leader and god of all turkeys.

I’m not sure if there was any internal discussion about the ramifications of having Hokie Bird present at the pardoning, but we need to acknowledge the fact Hokie Bird was invited to the White House to be present for a prisoner transfer — thereby making it the official representative of all turkeys worldwide.

This feels like something the United Nations should have been consulted with first. Our government went rogue in recognizing the sovereignty of the Virginia Tech mascot rule and giving it free control to represent the turkey world. I feel like this could, and probably should, result in an international incident. At the same time we have a history of giving Turkey whatever it wants — so this is all extremely on brand.

You can watch the full video of unveiling the turkeys for pardon here, just in case you’re the kind of person who enjoys witnessing the weirdest event on the national calendar unfurl in real time — but here are a few things that jumped out at me.

There is nothing but malicious intent in these eyes. I hate it. I hate him. Sorry Hokies fans, but your mascot is a terrifying hellscape.

You can hear the music in the background, presumably being played by a professional pianist. I love that there’s a scenario where a musician had to go to work and play music for a bunch of turkeys.

Look at all the reporters and photographers on their knees getting close up shots of some random-ass turkeys. I’m a simple blogger, not a newspaper guy — but I really feel sorry for the person who got this assignment and had to get close to a bunch of dirty birds, possibly contracting some kind of weird bird disease in the process.

Definitely worse than covering high school football.