Alexi Lalas shaved his mustache, but the mustache lives on

Quick story: In 10th grade, I took a U.S. Government class. The class was taught by a notoriously lenient teacher, and the troublemakers in the class took her reputation as an invitation to play pranks. She tolerated pretty much everything the class did-- desk-flipping, chalk-stealing, and so forth-- until the day my friend Dave shaved off his mustache, placed the hair in an envelope and presented it to her. Then she flipped out, because an envelope full of mustache hairs is disgusting.

This, somehow, is more disgusting:

Unless Alexi Lalas owns some sort of shaving technology that removes facial hair without compromising its arrangement, he just shaved off all his Movember mustache hair, collected it, then painstakingly reconfigured back into a mustache. I don’t know why this disembodied mustache is so much grosser than just a pile of mustache hair, but it really, really is.