In the first episode of our quest to find the best obscure name and mascot in sports, we explored the American Conference of the Pacific Coast League. Today, the Pacific Conference of the Pacific Coast League -- widely regarded as the favorite conference of the Pacific Coast League. We’ll assess each team’s name, logo, and mascot, then assign a score on our inscrutable scale of 1 to 87.
Seth ‘n’ Rodger’s Mascot Chat! Bears and Bees and River Cats, oh my!
Finding the best team names and mascots in the Pacific Coast League (Part 2).
Fresno Grizzlies
Seth Rosenthal
Okay, look at the logo.
Now look at the mascot.
Rodger Sherman
Such a downturn in ferocity.
Seth
And upturn in TURNUP.
Rodger
The logo bear is about to rip Fresno apart, and the mascot bear wants to hang out with my children. I won’t let him, though.
Seth
Yes, both bears of ill repute.
They used to be called the Fresno Raisin Eaters.
Rodger
I’m outraged.
Is it weird I like the Memphis Grizzlies’ name better even though there are no grizzles in Tennessee and several in California?
Seth
They employ Zach Randolph and Marc Gasol, so it feels more natural.
Also they didn’t willfully change from the *excellent* name that is “Raisin Eaters.”
Rodger
I’m mad.
SETH GIVES THE GRIZZLIES: 22RODGER GIVES THE GRIZZLIES: 21
Reno Aces
Rodger
I like the gambling/baseball double entendre.
Seth
I do, too. Interesting that they appear to have chosen the ace of diamonds.
Ranked only third among aces by Princeton Review.
Rodger
BTW just checking -- your entire knowledge of Reno, Nevada comes from Reno 911, right?
Seth
No, I've actually been there once.
Well, I landed there in a plane then drove away.
Rodger
Wow. You're basically Janet
Seth
Yeah, I'm a regular ol' Janet of Reno.
The Reno Aces' mascot is a "red blob who loves baseball."
Archie.
Rodger
Definitely a red blob:
Seth
The tongue is troubling. I'm looking at a few photos, and I'm worried the tongue might move.
The tongue should not move.
Rodger
I liked the Aces a lot more before I knew of this horror.
Seth
Maybe their mascot should just be their best pitcher?
I can't think of an obvious alternative.
Rodger
Well, they could've gone with the "Not A Horrible Blob With A Moving Tongue" route.
Seth
I wish I could have sat in on that meeting.
"Okay, Louis, I gave you the weekend to come up with mascot ideas, what have you got?"
[passes over list that just says "Big red baseball-loving blob with large tongue"]
"YOU'VE OUTDONE YOURSELF AGAIN, LOUIS!"
Rodger
Large **moving** tongue.
"Make sure it moves."
Seth
I hope it doesn't move, but it really looks like it moves.
Rodger
Seth
OH GOD NO IT DOES MOVE CAN WE GO TO THE NEXT ONE
Rodger
IT TALKS.
MASCOTS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK
Seth
THAT IS A FLAGRANT VIOLATION OF THE MASCOT OATH OF SILENCE AND TONGUE PARALYSIS
Rodger
Seth
NO NO NO NO NON ON ONON
Rodger
Description: "Reno Aces mascot Archie. World's most perverted mascot? I think he should be renamed as "Gene Simmons." ;)"
Seth
THAT'S A BIG RED BLOB YOU'RE WINKING ABOUT
I don't like the way its furry pelvis moves, either. I hate all of this.
Rodger
This has cut my ranking of the Aces in half
Seth
Can you halve zero?
SETH GIVES THE ACES: 18RODGER GIVES THE ACES: 7
Sacramento River Cats
Rodger
So, quick googling reveals there's no such thing as a "river cat."
Seth
Not a thing.
Rodger
It isn't even a term like "seahawk" is a way of saying "osprey"
Cats don't live in rivers. They are noted for their hatred of water.
Seth
Maybe it's a boating cat.
The logo just looks like a big, pissed off Persian cat or something.
So does the mascot.
Rodger
Here's a video of a cat trying to cross a river:
Seth
Aw that's a brave cat.
Wow, they used to be the Sacramento Solons. Their logo was a sliding capitol. building.
Which looks kinda like a fire hydrant.
Rodger
Man.
What’s up with PCL teams changing from good names to bad names.
SETH GIVES THE RIVER CATS: 8RODGER GIVES THE RIVER CATS: 14
Tacoma Rainiers
Seth
Hate this one.
Mount Rainier is a place. It is a mountain.
You can’t just pluralize that.
Rodger
Like the Rockies are okay, because they’re a lot of mountains.
The Cascades would’ve been a neat team name.
Seth
Right.
Definitely.
The Tetons!
Tetons would be good because that’s as close as you could get to being called the Boobs.
Rodger
Well, wrong mountains I think.
Seth
Yeah just naming mountain ranges.
Rodger
Definitely the best mountain range named after boobies.
Seth
The Rainiers’ mascot is Rhubarb the reindeer.
Basically a knockoff Mariner moose.
Rodger
Rainier/Reindeer almost works!
I kinda like the localness of the name, in spite of the mountain pluralization thing.
Seth
Agreed.
Rodger
I hate you, is my point.
Seth
Agreed.
They used to have a mountain logo, but they changed to just letters.
SETH GIVES THE RAINIERS: 11RODGER GIVES THE RAINIERS: 33
Albuquerque Isotopes
Rodger
Does SB Nation support the red underlined 100 emoji?
Seth
Why, because the 'Topes are so [100 emoji]?
Rodger
So they've got the Simpsons thing *and* the New Mexico being a testing ground for atomic bombs thing.
Seth
Right, pretty good.
Rodger
Here's Walter White in an Isotopes hat.
Seth
Did you finish that show yet?
Rodger
NO NO NO ON THE LAST SEASON
Seth
Jesse eats Walt.
Rodger
DON'T TELL ME WHAT -- DAMMIT
Seth
Sorry, spoiler alert: Jesse eats Walt.
Rodger
RIP
Seth
Anyway, Albuquerque Isotopes is [100 emoji] as hell. I'm not in love with the mascot, though.
Rodger
They also have statues of the Simpsons in their ballpark even though the name isn't licensed or anything.
Seth
I'm glad they embraced the Simpsons aspect of it all.
Meanwhile, Orbit looks too much like the Grizzly from before:
Rodger
Yeah he's a bit too cute to be a radioactive alien thing.
Seth
I'd put like $100 on radioactive alien lifeforms not being fuzzy bipedal orange dogbears.
Rodger
We can never be sure.
Seth
Mascot aside, the 'Topes are strong.
Rodger
And plus I just love the fact that they're named after science stuff.
Seth
From the Simpsons.
Rodger
Even better!
Seth
Good job, guys.
SETH GIVES THE ISOTOPES: 70RODGER GIVES THE ISOTOPES: 78
El Paso Chihuahuas
Seth
I would object to this also be the pluralizing of a discrete place if there weren't a dog breed involved.
Rodger
We actually posted about this team name, which is new and obviously a bit intentionally kooky.
On the one hand, I hate chihuahuas.
Seth
Yeah, not a fan.
Rodger
I mean, they're good in that they're dogs, but low on the dog scale.
Yippy and annoying. Still better than cats. Especially river cats.
Seth
Agreed.
Rodger
But on the other hand, this logo:
Seth
On top of the obvious problems with that logo, that’s a horrible swing.
The Chihuahuas mascot is just a big version of that. I was hoping it’d be an actual chihuahua.
Rodger
Hey, it’s regionally accurate. El Paso is right across the border from Chihuahua
Which I have always assumed is overrun with little purse dogs.
Seth
They get into your trash, it’s terrible.
Rodger
Just wanna get your stance on something -- how do you feel about when teams pick intentionally internetty names like this?
Seth
I don’t really mind it. I mean, the Isotopes would have been a huge affront if I had a problem with that.
And like, they can’t truly do it ironically. They have to stick with the branding, so they have to mean it.
Why, does it bother you?
Rodger
No I was just getting your stance up front.
We have a lot of ‘scots to go, bruh.
Seth
Well, are you with me?
Rodger
YEAH
Seth
YEAH INTERNET
Rodger
Mascot bros are ride or die.
I’m just saying. We’re in this together.
Seth
[skyward gunfire]
SETH GIVES THE CHIHUAHUAS: 45RODGER GIVES THE CHIHUAHUAS: 65
The Las Vegas 51s
Seth
GREAT
I think I would have preferred 51ers, but that logo is awesome:
Rodger
Yeah hell yeah.
Seth
That alien's got baseball seams on its head!
Also, it looks not unlike the Signs alien, which got rocked with a baseball bat, so it's perfect.
Rodger
This alien is the reason the Isotopes' alien had to abandon its home planet.
He's not cute and fuzzy. He's a killer.
Bad news, tho: the live mascot is clearly Jar-Jar Binks.
Seth
YEAH!
The f--- is up with that? What's wrong with the regular alien?
Rodger
I'm honestly surprised they haven't been sued on that.
Seth
I think the Star Wars franchise is trying too hard to distance itself from Jar-Jar to bother.
Rodger
Jar-Jar was too kid-friendly for real Star Wars and these people were like, "Yeah, but exactly the right kid-friendly to sell minor league baseball tickets"
And I kinda hate that.
Seth
It's from the planet Koufaxia.
We should bomb Koufaxia.
"Cosmo loves hot dogs, Cracker Jack and popcorn. His favorite music includes Elton John's "Rocket Man," David Bowie's "Ziggy Stardust," Styx's "Mr. Roboto," and the Space Jazz Trio. His favorite movies and TV shows include Men in Black (I , II & III), all episodes of the Star Wars saga, Lost in Space and Star Trek."
Rodger
... am I missing something about Mr. Roboto?
That song is about robots, right?
Seth
Yeah that's sloppy.
Also is Ziggy Stardust explicitly from space?
Rodger
Yes, he is a starman.
Seth
I thought he was just a singer with a big ol' dick.
Rodger
Are they implying Sandy Koufax is an alien? Because he’s JEWISH?!?!?!?!
Seth
The 51s are the real racists.
Rodger
Also how does he not watch Star Wars Episode 1 and be like “that’s me”
It should make him homesick, not happy.
Seth
So: Points for name and logo, deductions for mascot and the mascot’s questionably themed taste.
Rodger
I want to point out that something I like about these guys and the ‘Topes are the fact that they endorse sort of nefarious aspects of their geographic location.
Seth
Right.
I also like that.
I guess all the weather teams do that, too.
Here’s where I point out that people considered naming the New Jersey Nets the Swamp Dragons. I would have been a fan.
Rodger
Your Knicks blog might never have come to fruition.
Seth
Gaggin’ and Dragons
Rodger
Well, know they’d be the Brooklyn SwampDragons
which doesn’t work as well.
Seth
They’d have changed to the CanalDragons.
SETH GIVES THE 51s: 50
RODGER GIVES THE 51s: 72
Salt Lake Bees
Rodger
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Seth
Utah is the Beehive State.
Rodger
BEEEEEEEEEEEES BEES BEEEEEES
I've never understood that. Do they have a lot of bees? Aren't bees kinda evenly distributed?
Seth
According to the Internet, "Utahans relate the beehive symbol to industry and the pioneer virtues of thrift and perseverance."
Works for me.
Rodger
Oh it was a Mormon thing in the 1800s and let's move on.
Seth
Works for me.
I like the logo.
Just a confident li'l bee ready to swing.
Nice that his hat has antennae holes.
Rodger
They've taken a couple of tries at the name thing. They were the Buzz and the Stingers.
Seth Rosenthal
We get it, Utah.
Odd then that "Bees" came last.
Like the naming process was one prolonged game of Taboo.
Rodger
Disappointed they do not play in black-and-yellow striped jerseys.
Seth
Oh yeah, very disappointing.
Rodger
Just regular black-and-yellow, which is probably good enough for Wiz.
Seth
You know what it is.
Two things I just learned: The original owner's name was Joe Buzas and the "Buzz" thing changed because Georgia Tech sued them.
Oh, they were the Bees to begin with, then changed and changed back.
Rodger
I kinda like "Bees" the best. More simple, classic.
Seth
Agreed.
Rodger
Opposing teams be like:
Seth
Yeah. They be like that.
The mascot is a kind-looking bee.
Named Bumble.
Again, wasted opportunity for an actual in-house creature. Just keep a hive in the stadium.
Rodger
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Look, I really like screaming BEEEEEEEEES, okay
Seth
I hope they chant that.
Too bad they’re not affiliated with the Astros, by the way. A one-day assignment of Bagwell, Biggio and Bell would have been a great promo night.
Rodger
I guess what I’m trying to say is: bees.
Seth
Well said.
SETH GIVES THE BEES: 54RODGER GIVES THE BEES: 44
OVERALL MASCOT RANKINGS:
New Orleans Zephyrs: 83.5
Albquerque Isotopes: 74
Omaha Storm Chasers: 64
Las Vegas 51s: 61
Nashville Sounds: 59
El Paso Chihuahuas: 55
Salt Lake Bees: 59
Round Rock Express: 42.5
Tacoma Rainiers: 22
Fresno Grizzlies: 21.5
Memphis Redbirds: 15.5
Reno Aces: 12.5
Sacramento River Cats: 11
Oklahoma City RedHawks: 9.5
Iowa Cubs: 3
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