I don’t think I would like to be a boxer, because boxers have to fight. I do not like fighting and know for sure I would not enjoy getting punched in my body and ears, so I do not box.
Being a boxer seems really great except for the part where you get punched
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It’s a shame, because every other part of boxing is right up my alley. Look at all the stuff these fighters get to do. It looks great, like a spa I would like to attend.
1. Boxers get to be mostly naked except for comfy shorts.
(Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports)
Floyd Mayweather gets to walk around in public wearing nothing but the flowiest, airiest looking shorts I’ve ever seen. He also gets punched constantly.
2. Boxers get to wear pillows on their hands.
(Photo: Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports)
And yet they use them to break each other’s eye sockets.
3. Boxers get to hang out with seals.
(Lance Iversen-USA TODAY Sports)
I’d like to be Manny Pacquiao when he enjoys the company of Lou Seal. I would not like to be Manny Pacquiao while he’s getting his teeth battered.
4. Boxers get water squirted into their mouths.
(Photo: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports)
Here is a recent Pacquiao opponent, Timothy Bradley Jr., drinking water in the most passive, luxurious way possible. Unfortunately, he also got punched a lot.
5. Boxers get to avoid serious repercussion even after committing heinous crimes.
Seems like a good gig.
6. Boxers get massages.
(Photo: Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
There’s Mayweather getting a neck massage. Pacquiao has a three-man team assigned to just rub his calves all the time. These guys also have to mercilessly bash each other’s heads.
7. Boxers get to wear the most comfortable-looking robes.
(Photo: Al Bello/Getty Images)
Mayweather looks exactly like a swaddled baby.
So yeah, I think I’d be really qualified for the job of being a boxer if it was just wearing comfortable clothes, getting massages, and being fed water like Shamu. The punching part is an unfortunate hang-up.
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