Dwyane Wade knows all the words to ‘This Is How We Do It’ because he’s a real American

If the founding fathers hadn’t gotten lucky with their timing, and if Francis Scott Key hadn’t bribed congress, “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan would be the United States of America’s constitution and its national anthem. “This Is How We Do It” not only champions the familiar American virtues of life, liberty and the pursuit of much flavor, it presents its own fundamental principles of government.

They are sound principles, like giving your keys to a designated driver, getting your groove on before you go get paid, flipping the track, bringing the old school back, putting your hands in the air and waving them from here to there and the freedom to get yours in a big, black truck, while I get mine in a ‘64. What is a constitution if not a document of How We Do It and why, I ask, isn’t This How We Do It?

All this is to say the following: While my despicable colleagues argue that Dwyane Wade deserves shame for the above rendition, I counter that knowing all the words to “This Is How We Do It” and performing them with corny dance moves in a ridiculous costume of his choosing proves Wade to be a real patriot. I tip my cap to you, Dwyane Wade.