Kentucky will never lose*

INDIANAPOLIS --

“Are you guys writing about how goddamn good Kentucky is?” he shouts, with slurred speech only accentuating his hometown accent. “Top five team in the country and we CRUSHED ‘em.”

He repeats that last sentence two or three more times. Just for emphasis. Just to help.

2. John Calipari is not as confident, or at least he’s doing a better job of hiding it. Calipari saunters into the postgame press conference and gives an opening statement before someone could even inquire for one.

“No, we’re not that good,” he says. “Next question.”

Karl-Anthony Towns, the prized freshman of Calipari’s top-ranked recruiting class, sits two chairs over from his head coach. Someone asks him about Kentucky’s much-publicized five-man substitution patterns.

“I really love it,” Towns says. “It gives everyone a fair chance.”

But then, he stutters, the one mistake he and his team makes all night.

“But at the same time, it gives us the ability to go balls .... ball ... hard to wall ...”

The entire room stops to laugh. Eventually, a clearly embarrassed Towns regains his composure and finishes the thought.

“It allows us to go real hard every time.”

3. Bill Self is handed a water bottle as soon as he walks into his portion of the press conference. He glances at it and mutters an opening statement that’s far different from Calipari’s.

“I was hoping that was vodka,” he quips.

Self is then asked about Calipari’s assessment that his Wildcats weren’t “that good” after blowing out the No. 5 team in the country by 32 points.

“You guys that cover Kentucky?” he asks. “How much stuff do you actually believe that John says?”

Pat Lovell-USA TODAY Sports

* * *

Laughter was the only appropriate response to Kentucky’s blowout win over Kansas. Everyone knew the Wildcats were loaded with talent, but this was still the same team that trailed Buffalo by five points at the half two days earlier. What happened against Kansas was the actualization of Big Blue Nation’s fever dream since Kentucky’s roster for this season came into focus.

Calipari put the blowout into perspective, as only he could.

“We kind of bum-rushed them a little bit. Every time they looked, there was more tanks coming over the hill,” he said. “It wasn’t substitutes. It was reinforcements. ‘Here they come.’ It kind of gets to you a little bit.”

It’s easier to paint the 55-year-old Calipari as a politician or salesman than a basketball coach. He runs his program both as a business and as a family. All his players love him, from the ones he’s put into the NBA to this mix that’ll be there soon. He controls a room with an effortlessness that comes only from his success.

Kentucky has accomplished plenty since Calipari arrived five seasons ago, most notably a national championship in a 38-2 season in 2012. But as Kentucky laid the hurt on Kansas in the Champions Classic, you could sense this was his greatest moment of strength yet.

The box score was astounding. Kentucky blocked as many shots (11) as Kansas made field goals. After leading by only 10 points at the half, the Wildcats held Kansas to just 13 percent shooting in the second half. Thanks to the Wildcats’ stifling defense, Kansas ended the game with only four assists.

The Wildcats are uniquely equipped for the job. Kentucky has nine McDonald’s All-Americans, more than the Big 12 (7), the Big Ten (6) or the Los Angeles Lakers (6). With 10 players measuring at least 6’6, seven players at least 6’8 and four players at least 6’10, Kentucky has more size than almost every NBA team.

When Dakari Johnson and Cauley-Stein announced they were coming back to school, it put Calipari in a spot no other coach in the country could ever imagine. He really did have too much talent.

That’s where the idea to platoon with two separate five-man units was born. All 10 will have the opportunity to make money playing basketball somewhere when they leave campus. What other team is bringing three possible first-round picks off the bench?

Calipari has said repeatedly he’s platooning out of necessity, not to look like a genius. You don’t recruit five-star prospects and then play them 10 minutes a game. So far, Kentucky is taking it all in stride with a smile. Of course, it helps when you’re blowing out teams good enough to be ranked in the top five.

“We couldn’t do what we’re doing if we didn’t have solid, selfless kids to do what we’re doing and giving them half a game and accepting it,” Calipari said. “Unless they allow us to do it, we can’t do it. And that shows what we’re all about.”

With one of the most rabid fanbases in sports hollering at every dunk and every block, Cal’s bunch has the feel of a traveling circus act. Teams this big, this deep and this talented simply do not exist at the college level. It’s a luxury so dramatic that some can’t help but paint it as a burden.

There will likely come a time when Kentucky loses this season, maybe even in the NCAA Tournament. That’s the chaotic beauty of a single-elimination postseason format. But even with a tough non-conference slate, it’s apparent there’s no point in guessing the team that could actually overthrow this one. Whenever it happens, it will be an outlier, the realization of a freak chance.

Kentucky is too good to lose to another college team regularly. If the Wildcats did that to Kansas, just imagine how hopeless every other opponent is going to feel.