With Indiana passing the controversial Religious Freedom Restoration Act, could this be the last Final Four in the Indianapolis for the forseeable future? Mark Emmert, the CEO of the NCAA, says it’s a possibility.
A visitor’s bucket list for one last Final Four in Indianapolis
Enjoy beautiful Indiana while you still can, sports fans.
Emmert is speaking out a bit more strongly against the law to @ESPNAndyKatz than in statement. "if we have to move events, we'll do it."
— marc tracy (@marcatracy) March 30, 2015 Now that Indiana’s new stupid/bad/pointless law on the books, this might be the last opportunity for you OUTSIDERS to enjoy the world-class entertainment found in this wonderful city. Here’s your comprehensive INDIANAPOLIS FINAL FOUR BUCKET LIST.
FOOD
Indianapolis is quite the hot-spot for foodies in town for the weekend. Do you like non-descript American chain steakhouses in mall parking lots? THEN YOU ARE IN LUCK, SIR. But you already knew that from the Super Bowl three years ago! Let’s talk about the real local favorites.
St. Elmo’s Steak House, it’s downtown just Google it
Let’s talk about this “shrimp cocktail” thing.
Shrimp grow in water. Indianapolis has only *one* body of water nearby, the beautiful WHITE RIVER:
Do you want to pay $16.95 for five pieces of shrimp born and raised in this wonderful ecosystem?
Get the filet, move on with your evening.
Arby's, literally right by the dang stadium
Indianapolis crowning accomplishment is managing to drop three fast food restaurants *with drive-thrus* a few hundred feet from the city’s primary downtown entertainment district. There’s a Subway and White Castle right next door, but nothing is more AUTHENTIC INDIANA than an Arby’s -- with a drive-thru -- dropped right in the middle of the got-dang city. It is the downtown business district’s busiest non-burrito lunch spot, primarily serving folks that are too lazy to walk to lunch. I spent two lunch hours a week of my first job out of college eating Beef N’ Cheddars and sleeping in a parking garage. No less than three in five INDIANAPOLANS do this at least once in a calendar year. Choose to chow down on your roast beef in the Chase Tower parking garage for an authentic Hoosier experience.
Maxine's Chicken & Waffles, adjacent to a gas station -- ask somebody
Culturally-imported restaurant located in a gas station in a part of downtown that everyone forgets about. Really good food because said food gains its influences from geographic areas that are *not* Indiana. Go here, stay here, do not leave here until you have eaten your body weight in chicken and/or waffles.
ATTRACTIONS
I had to Google "Indianapolis attractions" to finish this section. I live here.
Reggie Miller's house, a lake where rich folks live
*puts on John Starks jersey* *walks to gated entrance* *raises megaphone*
“LOREM IPSUM DOLOR SIT AMET CONSECUTOR ADPISCING ELIT--”
Just read things. Books, phone books, tax codes, Westlaw key cites, whatever. Loudly. Disturb his evening doing whatever Reggie Miller does. He deserves this.
Hinkle Fieldhouse, awkwardly dropped in a residential neighborhood
JIMMY CHITWOOD. HICKORY HUSKERS. HERF DERF. Old basketball gym with really bad glare during day games. The rims are 10 feet high. There is nowhere to park. Go here and ask for a tour and then begin reciting all the factual inaccuracies found in Hoosiers. SHOOTER IS AN UNFAIR CHARACTERIZATION OF LIFE IN RURAL INDIANA, MAN.
Monument Circle, giant circle on map
Big stone thing with a fountain. Good at disrupting traffic flow, providing a place to get robbed at a walk-up ATM at night. Come here during the daytime to watch various interns walk laps around the circle looking for the FedEx Office location that is actually not on the circle. Oh, and:
GOD BLESS THIS CITY.
The RoomPlace Store, north suburbs
Rollercoasters? How about an electric recliner with cup holders? Go here to walk around and sit on furniture like a authentic Hoosier.
SportClips, by the Wal-Mart
LOOKING FOR A BEACH, YOU SAY? HOW ABOUT A HOT, STEAMED TOWEL?
Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Speedway
“Hey, let’s go see the Speedway!”
*drives to Speedway*
“Welp -- there it is.”
*drives on by*
This is how I presume every tourist visit to the Speedway goes.
ENTERTAINMENT
ARF! ARF!
Wanna kick off the weekend festivities with a bang?? DMX PERFORMING LIVE at The Vogue in Broad Ripple Thursday night!...
Posted by 106.7 WTLC on Tuesday, March 31, 2015
This is a five-minute walk from my apartment, y’all can sleep on my couch. Other acts for the week include Weezer and Passion Pit.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN INDIANA IS A STATE LIVING IN THE PAST?
MOVING ON.
NIGHTLIFE
Indianapolis’ bar districts can be divided into four areas: Broad Ripple (college kids/people who think they are still in college), Mass Ave (people who are too cool for Broad Ripple now, man), Georgia Street (everyone else) and Establishments Where A Early-2000’s Pacer Discharged A Weapon. LET US PLAN YOUR EVENING OUT:
Tiki Bob’s Cantina, three blocks from Lucas Oil Stadium
Would you like to watch professional athletes get arrested? THEN DO I HAVE THE PLACE FOR YOU.
Folks arrested after a night at Tiki Bob’s include:
- various nondescript Colts late-round draft picks
- shockingly not Jamaal Tinsley
All in all, a wholesome family establishment to start your evening. But you’ve got a big night ahead still!
Libertine Bar, Mass. Ave district
Okay, actually go here, don’t go to Tiki Bob’s. Someone will make you a drink, you will not know its contents. It will be very good. You will have more of said drinks. You will eventually get a bar tab for $8,568,696. You will then lightly jog back over to Tiki Bob’s.
Kilroy's Bar and Grill, kind of by Tiki Bob's
The place for hip folks! You’ll wait 15-30 minutes in a cold line to fit yourself inside a Bloomington college bar fixture transplanted and dropped right in the middle of downtown Indianapolis. But -- GOTCHA! -- it’s not like that at all. This Indianapolis go-to nightlife establishment is modeled after a suburban Buffalo Wild Wings, complete with lonely 40-somethings and a small arcade in the back. Known for pepperoni breadsticks and weirdly flavored Long Islands. Always horribly overcrowded. I do not know why.
TwoDEEP Brewing Company, not anywhere close to Tiki Bob's just google it
Are you a beer drinker? Best CRAFT BREW in the Circle City, per a couple of those beer review things or whatever. The bartender is a jolly, redheaded fellow named Austin. There's a 85 percent chance he'll be wearing a Reggie Wayne jersey. He sleeps on my couch sometimes. Don't mind the sweat beading off his forehead into your beer, it adds flavor! Go here and order a Bud Light. Watch him sweat and his blood pressure rise as he tells you "THIS IS A BREWPUB, SIR, WE ONLY SERVE OUR BEER." Do not let this dissuade you. Persist for your Bud Light like a true Hoosier.
Cadillac Ranch, across the street from Tiki Bob's
MECHANICAL BULL. Also adjacent to the police station.
Red Garter, down the street from Tiki Bob's by the stadium
There’s a pizza buffet.
And no windows.
Occasionally a Michaell Irvin during the combine.
Do I need to say more?
Hope y’all enjoy one last stay in our world class city. See y’all at DMX.
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