You’ve probably already heard that Michigan extended its storied “100,000-plus attendance” streak against Miami (Ohio) two weeks ago, keeping the vaunted run alive for its 253rd consecutive week despite what MLive.com called “splotches of empty seats throughout much of the upper half of the student section.”
5 ways of responding to Michigan’s Coca-Cola debacle
The Wolverines distanced themselves from Monday night’s “2 free tickets vs. Minnesota” promotion, but that doesn’t mean we can’t keep making jokes about it.
Michigan cannot let that streak die, even if its team is 2-2 with a floundering head coach. Monday, you could get two tickets to a Michigan game for free by buying two Coca-Colas. The Wolverines later described the promotion as a “miscommunication” and pulled it, but not before the reputation damage was done.
U-go's in the @umich Union is giving away 2 @umichfootball tickets if you buy 2 coke products (Photo: @ByAZuniga ) pic.twitter.com/iKeFD5rRhg
— The Michigan Daily (@michigandaily) September 22, 2014 As expected, Michigan fans were really excited about this idea, given that many of them spent the face price of $150 for those tickets earlier this year. But just how was a Michigan fan to respond?
1. Tweet the athletic director.
Yes, athletic director Dave Brandon is on Twitter. And while he hasn’t replied to a tweet since Aug. 16 and probably has a low-level staffer manning the account, he almost certainly will read and respond to your praise!
@DaveBrandonAD I pay $350 a seat for my seat license x 3. Then $75 or $95 a ticket for each game x 3. Then I see this pic.twitter.com/Kexc2cKwu9
— nick demattia (@demoisblue) September 23, 2014 @DaveBrandonAD You have ruined M football by treating it like a corporation. Way to go. Now please resign and return to your garbage pizza.
— aaronpj (@aaronpj) September 23, 2014 @DaveBrandonAD please resign so I can have a #coke and a smile. #GoBlue #MichiganFootball #Michigan
— E Hughes (@plymoutherik) September 23, 2014 My family has had season tickets to the Big House since the mid-70s, @DaveBrandonAD. You've rendered them literally worthless.
— Joshua Culling (@joshuaculling) September 23, 2014 Hey @DaveBrandonAD, can I bring the two cokes I bought into the stadium or do I need to bring 20 dollars so I can buy some inside?
— Zack Ulrich (@Ulrich_22) September 23, 2014 They were even more excited when Michigan pulled the promotion hours later.
@DaveBrandonAD Ok, blame Coke you clown. Surprised you aren't giving tickets away in the greasy boxes of @dominos you used to huck.
— David Fischer (@fischerddf) September 23, 2014 Just bought a shit ton of RC cola in case Dave brandon has some more sweet tricks up those magic sleeves ;)
— MichiganFerGodSakes (@FergodsakesUofM) September 23, 2014 @DaveBrandonAD ..When will the nightmare of you and Hoke be over???? Btw throw in a breadbowl with those two cokes and I will buy 4 of them
— Scott McJames (@reelking70) September 23, 2014 @netillaman @DaveBrandonAD That's not how Michigan football works. You're going to have to buy a Coke to get in, just like everyone else.
— Green Vim (@With_a_Vim) September 23, 2014 
Former Michigan QB blasts program
2. Buy something else with your $3.
Don’t want to go to the Minnesota game? Already have tickets? Then use that $3 on something else, like:
- Three McDonald’s sausage burritos.
- Any three things at the dollar store.
- Almost a full gallon of gas.
- A 16-piece Domino’s Pizza Parmesan Bread Bites, with a coupon (carryout only).
- A bottle of water in the Michigan student section, with a whole dollar to spare!
- A 23-second sit-down session with Brady Hoke at $4.154 million per year.
3. Change the words to “The Victors” to better reflect the current situation.
The Michigan fight song is legendary, but its lyrics are out-of-date. Let’s update it for modern times!
Hail to AD Dave Brandon
Your students have abandoned
Their their football tickets
‘Cause they don’t come with CokeOur uniforms are stylish
Got shut out by the Irish
We’ll hire RichRod back
When we fire Brady Hoke
4. Run for office.
If you’re especially happy with how things are going in your athletic department, you might want to make a run at an office that would allow you to express your gratitude.
I think I might run for regent.
— mgoblog (@mgoblog) September 23, 2014 Please, Michigan, make this happen.
Bonus: If you’re not a Michigan fan, you should respond by making jokes, such as this one.
by James Dator
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