I am questioning my faith.
MASCOT FIGHTS, Week 11: Bulldogs can conquer the Tide, and 6 more picks
Is MASCOT FIGHTS for real? Week 11 is a fight to prove its legitimacy.
After the first few weeks of MASCOT FIGHTS, my belief that all sporting events could be picked by imagining two teams’ mascots fighting to the death seemed validated. My picks were 18-8, walloping Vegas and earning my followers millions.
But after a 3-4 week last week, I have fallen to a dismal 27-22. Still, mind you, a 55 percent hit rate that would win you money if you took it to a casino. But things are clearly regressing to the mean. The results seem to be saying that picking against the spread of college football games by any method besides Math Genius Spreadsheets will eventually win around 50 percent of the time. My faith is wavering.
Will MASCOT FIGHTS once again prove that it’s an unstoppable method of determining college football games? Here are the Week 11 picks:
(Disclaimer: SB Nation does not endorse mascots or animals fighting to the death. I bet you thought this would be a disclaimer about how we don't endorse gambling. Nah, we're fine with that. But the mascot death is only hypothetical.)
All times ET.
Kansas Jayhawks vs. No. 15 TCU Horned Frogs (-45), 12 p.m., FS1
A jayhawk isn’t a real bird, but both jays and hawks could easily feast on frogs.
This pick is a cry for help. No part of me believes that Kansas will cover even a 45-point spread against TCU. The Jayhawks have lost their last three games by an average of 45.3 points, and TCU beat one of those three teams by 43 points.
But if mascot fights truly can determine winners... surely the Jayhawks will cover the spread. I pray for this.
Pick: KANSAS JAYHAWKS
No. 2 Alabama Crimson Tide (-8) vs. No. 17 Mississippi State Bulldogs, 3:30 p.m., CBS
Look, I’ve already established many times that most animals would be helpless against the tides, especially a more-or-less hopeless animal like a bulldog. Bulldogs have no chance against --
wait
what’s that
HELL YEAH IT’S A SURFING BULLDOG WOOO THE BULLDOGS HAVE CONQUERED THE TIDE THEY’RE UNSTOPPABLE
Pick: MISSISSIPPI STATE BULLDOGS
No. 12 Oklahoma Sooners @ No. 6 Baylor Bears (-2.5,) 8 p.m., ABC
Sooner vs. Bear? More like getting mauled to death by a bear SOONER than you think. IMO.
Pick: BAYLOR BEARS
No. 21 Memphis Tigers @ No. 24 Houston Cougars (-7,) 7 p.m., ESPN2
CATFIGHT! I don’t mean this in the sense of a fight between two women, because I think that term has picked up unnecessarily degrading connotations. I mean a fight between two large cats.
Both the cougar and tiger are vicious predators, but they’re built for different things. The cougar is a nimble predator built to survive in the mountains and forests of the Americas. The tiger is an apex predator, the world’s largest cat, built for taking down huge prey in open areas. Although this fight is intriguing, the tiger wins.
Pick: MEMPHIS TIGERS
BYU Cougars (-7) @ Missouri Tigers, 7:30 p.m., SEC Network
wait
didn’t I just
Pick: MISSOURI TIGERS
Arkansas Razorbacks @ No. 9 LSU Tigers (-7.5,) 7:15 p.m., ESPN
i am trapped
in a world
of tigers and cougars
i also think a tiger could kill a big ol’ scary hog
Pick: LSU TIGERS
Washington State Cougars @ No. 19 UCLA Bruins (-10.5,) 10:45 p.m., ESPN
I think all these cougars and tigers are trying to tell me something. If the Tigers get a clean sweep and the Cougars go winless, that’s a sign MASCOT FIGHTS is a legitimate way of solving these things. Please, dear Mascot God, make it be so.
Pick: UCLA BRUINS
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