Jameis Winston was right to take crab legs, because crab legs are delicious

Jameis Winston has given his side of the story re: that time he boosted crab legs from a Publix. He told Jim Harbaugh, a professional life counselor, that the crabs weren’t stolen, but were gifted.

Here’s Winston, while Harbaugh makes a face that indicates he thinks crabs are moon rocks:

A week before was my buddy’s birthday. We had got a cake, and we met a dude that was inside Publix. And he said, ‘Any time you come in here, I got you.’ So that day, we just walked out. He hooked us up with that. When I came in to get crab legs, did the same thing. He just gave ‘em to me.

The event had legal consequences. Winston had to pay $30 and complete 20 hours of community service. The FSU baseball team suspended him, because it was baseball season.

Many have noted his Harbaugh confession raises NCAA issues.

While accepting free birthday cakes and crab legs are not against NCAA rules, if the NCAA were to investigate and conclude that Winston received the celebratory dessert or the animal’s legs due to his status as an amateur athlete, it could punish the likely No. 1 NFL Draft pick by barring him from playing football for free (or by making him pay for them, uh, again).

If it could establish FSU was in on the snacks scheme, the Seminoles might have to vacate their many spine-tingling victories from the 2014 season, which would make it look as if they did nothing all year but goof around in the Rose Bowl.

However, let this be a learning experience for all of us. There is a single lesson I want to impart to you young people: If someone offers you crab legs for free, you should accept them. Why? Because crab legs are delicious to eat, and being given them for free means you do not have to give any of your money for them.

Money is good to keep, just as crab legs are good to eat.

I’ve brought my daughter into the room as I explain this. This is good info for everybody.

See, I’m a former Publix employee. (Which means I have personnel questions, seeing as I’ve never met anyone who cross-trained in both bakery and seafood, but that’s neither my problem nor Jameis’.) I can tell you the real story of how these transactions usually work. In my experience, when people want crab legs (which they always do; crab legs are good), they have to pay money for them.

I’ve seen it happen and have even paid my own money for crab legs.

PRO: They get crab legs.

CON: They have less money.

Some say Winston should have declined those crab legs that were free. I fail to see the logic in turning down free crab legs, an act that means either not eating crab legs or not keeping money.

It would also be rude.

Few people have ever offered me crab legs for free. This has happened at parties and what have you, sure, and not in a grocery store and not due to me being the most popular person on campus. But every single time that someone has offered me crab legs for free, I have taken them and eaten them.

I recommend you do the same.