Nick Saban’s only birthday present: a Bullshit Button

Nick Saban, head coach of No. 1 Alabama, is 65 years old. Yeah, he was born on Halloween.

How was your birthday so far, Coach?

Sure, those are real, according to a look at the internet. Everything is real online. A demonstration of a similar device:

This is a fine present for a man so averse to bullshit, he eats the same thing for breakfast and lunch every day in order to avoid having to waste time with decisions.

Saban also famously has a button in his office that can close his door. Now he can just mash both these rascals at the same time and block off the world’s distractions while declaring it all to be bullshit, all without raising his lovely voice.

Here’s how little time the man has for bullshit:

A few days after Alabama beat LSU to win the 2012 national championship, [friend Steven] Rumsey and Saban were on the phone together. Most of their conversations take place precisely between 7:12 A.M. and 7:17 A.M., when Saban calls as he drives to work. But this call happened to be in the afternoon. The two men almost never discuss football—Rumsey is the rare Tuscaloosan who doesn’t know or care much about the game, which, he suspects, has something to do with why he and Saban have become friends. But given that his golf buddy had just won the national championship, Rumsey figured he ought to say a few words of congratulations. So he did, telling Saban his team had pulled off an impressive win.

“That damn game cost me a week of recruiting,” Saban grumbled into the phone.

Winning a national title is bullshit to Saban. No person has ever been more in need of a Bullshit Button.