I think your conference is actually bad: Week 13 college football power rankings

Ahh rivalry weekend, the most wonderful time of the year. The time we give thanks for the seething and all consuming contempt that envelopes our very beings for a three-hour period, we also give thanks for the bountiful blessing that is this insane sport. Rivalry weekend 2016 may have been a lot of fun, but that doesn’t mean every conference got the job done.

No. 1: Big Ten

Look at you, B1G. Not only is the heartland’s conference interesting, it’s downright compelling as we come down to the last weekend of the college weekend season. Let’s get this out of the way first: Ohio State beat Michigan, 30-27, in the game of the year to date in 2016.

My God, that was an absolute banger. Yes, it was largely defined by mistakes (and the world’s worst fake punt). Yes, Jim Harbaugh is now whining about the refs to everyone who will listen. And yes, neither fan base really deserves any modicum of happiness because of the incessant insistence that something is obvious when it is in fact not.

But it was still an incredible game with all the drama that anyone could have ever asked for. The win now sets up the winner of the conference title game (either Wisconsin or Penn State) to be pitted next to Ohio State for a spot in the dance. That’s assuming Alabama, Washington, and Clemson take care of business this weekend, too, in their conference title tilts. Either way, a season that spent most of its time devoid of interesting subplots now has a pretty sizable one, and the sport’s orbit is now pretty well fixed around what’ll happen in Indianapolis this weekend.

Other scores this week: Iowa beat Nebraska, 40-10 (y’all fired Bo Pelini for this?). Indiana beat Purdue, 26-24 (this seems like it might have been compelling but it’s Purdue-Indiana so probably not). Northwestern beat Illinois, 42-21 (beating Illinois to go bowl eligible seems like a sucky reality). Maryland beat Rutgers, 31-13 (nice moment here for a walk-on). Penn State beat Michigan State, 45-12 (no, YOU thought they were gonna blow it). Wisconsin beat Minnesota, 31-17 (woo axe!).

We will not be speaking about Washington’s 45-17 Apple Cup whoopin’ because my boss is a Wazzu fan and I respect authority (love you, U-Dub). What I would love to do here is take a moment to appreciate USC, and that’s a weird thing to say. In July I’ll be sick of the Trojans because of the holy ark of offseason hype we’re going to erect around you. But for now, you are the vanquisher of Notre Dame (which is 4-8).

USC won, 45-27, in the sport’s stalest rivalry game, and it’s fine. Any foe of Notre Dame is a friend of mine, and I’m happy for USC for standing tall and getting the job done. Especially when stuff like this happens:

That’d be an ND lineman adding insult to a literal head injury suffered by a USC player. Uhh, and then he did this:

Don’t worry, Brian Kelly, I didn’t forget about you, either. I see you in these streets putting those feelers out to take another job. But I need you in South Bend in perpetuity to take the Irish to the well of success only to leave parched and high-tailing back to the desert of mediocrity.

Notre Dame’s season is mercifully over, so we don’t have to watch them anymore. The only bad thing about that is we can’t watch them lose again.

Other scores this week: Oregon State beat Oregon, 34-24 (Mark Helfrich, that’s about enough outta you). Arizona beat Arizona State, 56-35 (stick Todd Graham atop whatever coaching hot seat you got next season, but at least Miss Arizona is okay). Cal beat UCLA, 36-10 (Sonny Dykes still gone?). Stanford beat Rice, 41-17 (nobody was there to see it). Colorado beat Utah, 27-22 (Bufffffffffffffffs).

If a conference has a massive game coming up on championship weekend and nobody cares, does it make a sound?

Bedlam should be fun, but let’s just skirt around the inevitable discussion about whether it’s enough to get OU into the Playoff. Oklahoma needs help that it won’t get if the other conference holds according to form. So while folks will complain about the fact that College GameDay is headed to Indy this week, the rest of us will be doing anything other than that.

Scores this week: TCU beat Texas, 31-9 (it was real, Charlie). Texas Tech beat Baylor, 54-35 (let’s gawk at how bad the Bears are on the recruiting trail). West Virginia beat Iowa State, 49-19 (Honestly an impressive season from the Mountaineers). Kansas State beat Kansas, 34-19 (SB Nation writer Steven Godfrey now owes our editor fried chicken).

No.4: ACC/No. 5: SEC (LW, 2)

They’re lumped together here because they’re linked due to the four cross-conference blood rivalry games. The same ones in which the ACC went 3-1 in, I’ll have you know. Florida State rubbed Florida out, 31-13. Clemson smacked South Carolina, 56-7. Kentucky beat Louisville, 41-38. Georgia Tech came back and beat Georgia, 28-27.

It is a dirty secret that the SEC is just Alabama and then a bunch of also-rans. But then again, that’s not even that much of a surprise if you’ve been paying attention. Our Bill Connelly’s average S&P+ by conference today had the SEC ahead, but look how close the ACC is.

SEC (+7.8), ACC (+7.3), B1G (+5.6), PAC (+5.4), B12 (+4.1).

This notion that the SEC is just miles ahead of “the basketball conference” is a misnomer. But if you want to argue the supremacy of a bunch of four-loss SEC teams, have at it. It just means more, am I right?

Other scores this week: NC State beat UNC, 28-21 (but Larry Fedora got a sick workout). Virginia Tech beat Virginia, 52-10 (and it wasn’t the worst part of Virginia’s day). Pitt beat Syracuse, 76-61 (actually those basketball conference jokes are fair game, I was wrong). Boston College beat Wake Forest, 17-14 (Eagles are bowl eligible). Miami beat Duke, 40-21 (it wasn’t as fun as last year).

LSU beat Texas A&M, 54-39 (what happened on Twitter was much more interesting). Mizzou beat Arkansas, 28-24 (one day we’ll get a handle on what the hell the Hogs were this season). Mississippi State beat Ole Miss, 55-20 (this is your “wut” result of the day). Alabama beat Auburn, 30-12 (that’s the most Alabama score ever, isn’t it?) Vanderbilt beat Tennessee, 45-34 (hahahahahahahahahahaha).