Miami football has no identity and no hope after getting routed by Duke

Two things kick in for college football fans around midseason: the ability to come make a general conclusion about where a football team is, and the buffalo wing-induced coma that fans are put in while sitting on couches all day watching the games. Week 8 was the week where most teams begin to separate themselves and make statements within the conference.

Now, with that out the way, let’s get to our winners and losers, starting with everyone’s favorite Duck, not Donald though.

We all know the phrase.

The one that goes, “This is the year. Bo Nix has improved so much under this new offense. He’s focused. He’s having fun. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a dark horse for the Heisman.”

Well, this year Bo Nix might actually be a dark horse for the Heisman.

Nix threw for five TDs as the Oregon Ducks steamrolled the UCLA Bruins 45-30 in a game that really wasn’t as close as the 15 point margin implies. Oregon dominated both on the ground and in the air, and Nix was throwing with both accuracy and timing. The deep accuracy was startling to see.

The improvement of Nix from being a meme at Auburn to a legitimate college QB at Oregon has been really fun to see. Now, I know people are going to point at the quality of defense he’s facing and the horrendous game against Georgia, but the truth is Nix has improved in a better situation than Auburn. That we know for sure.

First of all, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Second of all, you can’t call yourself the new Miami, or the new U, and then proceed to give up 45 points to Duke at home. The Blue Devils only completed 13 passes but ran for 200 yards as Miami struggled to defend anything at all. Sure, Tyler Van Dyke got injured during the game, but for a new Miami under head coach Mario Cristobal (who is a former offensive lineman) you can’t lose up front to Duke.

Miami has no identity right now. They can’t decide whether they want to be a physical, downhill run based offense or a spread it out Air Raid team. The defense makes way too many mistakes for a unit that has the experience it does.

Oh, and before I forget, the Hurricanes turned the ball over EIGHT TIMES. No, that’s not a typo. They fumbled five times and threw three interceptions. Yeah, there’s a bit of variance with losing five fumbles, but once you get to a certain point it becomes absurd.

If this is the new Miami, fans should want a return on investment.

TCU does this thing where they set the video game to INSTANT DEATH mode in the first half, then come back around in the second half and overwhelm teams. Kansas State was up by 18 points in the first half when TCU rallied from behind to win 38-28.

The one thing we know about TCU is this: they have a bunch of dudes who are all track speed fast. This is different from football fast. Football fast means you’re fast on the field, and faster than most football players. Track speed fast means you’re faster than all the really fast dudes that run track.

WR Derius Davis is one of those dudes. In high school, he won the Louisiana state championship in the 200 meter dash at a time of 21.74 seconds. That’s noticeable on the field, because if he even gets a shred of daylight he’s taking it to the end zone, like he did on this play where he almost ran at 23 mph. He’d be speeding through a school zone in Texas.

We all know the reason why TCU is still undefeated though, and it’s the Hypnotoad.

All hail Hypnotoad.

One bad snap on a punt is fine, fixable.

Two bad snaps is a bit of a problem, but nothing that can’t be fixed.

FOUR bad snaps??? Yeah we’re going to have a discussion when you get to the sideline.

Weber State’s long snapper had a rough day at the office, snapping the ball everywhere but the punters hands in a four point loss.

Those four points are kinda important considering that not only did the long snapper have four bad snaps, they all ended in a safety. That’s eight points that are coming off the board by Weber State in a game that was close.

On the other hand, if you’re going to be bad, at least be a record setting type of bad. Don’t just stop at one bad snap. Be a man.

If there’s anyone that I want negotiating my next contract for me, it’s Jimmy Sexton.

Sexton is the college football coach super agent, who represents coaches like Nick Saban and Kirby Smart. He ALSO represents Jimbo Fisher, which is why he’s a winner this week.

We’ve outlined how much Fisher’s absurd contract is, but the verbiage in the contract is what makes Sexton so great at this.

Sexton pretty much negotiated Fisher into a lifetime deal with the Aggies regardless of the circumstances, and unless Fisher breaks the law, there’s no way that contract gets voided without paying the absurd buyout.

Which is important because...

I promise you I’m not trying to pick on the Aggies here I’m really not.

But losing to South Carolina at home while out-gaining the Gamecocks by over 100 yards is quite hilarious.

The Aggies are legitimately at rock bottom. They’re branded as this physical team, but can get pushed around a lot, something that shouldn’t happen when you have multiple five stars on the defensive line.

There hasn’t been a single QB that’s played well in this offense, more of an indictment on Fisher than it is the QBs. They’re trying to play a modern video game on a Windows 98 computer, nothing is updated for modern times. If the ball isn’t going to RB Devon Achane, then nothing is working.

Losing teams find ways to lose, and Texas A&M is a losing team. Surely it can’t get much worse than thi—

Well, at least they can try again next year.