Tampa Bay Rays give Mariano Rivera a sand sculpture

Rays exec #1: We need to give Mariano Rivera a retirement gift.

Rays exec #2: Oh, right. What should we get him?

Rays exec #1: Something that means something, you know? Something personal. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of Mariano Rivera?

Rays exec #2: He looks like the kid from Mask.

Rays exec #1: I ... wait, no. What? No, his cutter. We should get him a gold cutting board or something like that.

Rays exec #2: No, no, he definitely looks like the kid from Mask.

Rays exec #1: No, he doesn’t.

Rays exec #2: With Eric Stoltz? You remember, right? Cher’s his mom.

Rays exec #1: No, I know the movie. And, no, that’s not what I think of.

Rays exec #2: How about a big ol’ sand sculpture that’s half-Mariano, half-Eric Stoltz from mask?

Rays exec #1: What is wrong with you? Let’s get him something better. Like ... anything else. Literally anything else, including a tetanus shot to the eardrum.