It’s one thing to get excited about a ball hit in your area. It’s another to tackle another human in pursuit of that ball. It’s another if that person is maybe 15 years old, tops. It’s another if you’re not even pursuing a homer, BUT A DAMN GROUND RULE DOUBLE.
Grown man wrecks child attempting to seize ground-rule double
“Oh gee golly, it sure is looking like I’m gonna catch this ba” -- ADULT SMASHES CHILD INTO CONCRETE STAIRCASE
From a Pirates game (this happened last Thursday, but I was perusing the fantastic MLB GIFs page.)
Note the RaptorsMascotTail.GIF homage with his leg. And the fact that the ball squeaks into the second row, there.
I have compiled an incomplete list of things that can happen to a fan in the bleachers at a baseball game, ranked by how cool they are.
1. I caught a historic home run! I can sell it for hundreds of thousands of dollars!
2. I caught a modestly important home run! I get to trade it to the player for a bunch of cool stuff and even met the player!
...
7. I caught a home run!
...
13. I caught a ground-rule double!
...
24. My team won!
25. I drank a few beers and had a swell time with my friends.
26. Man, these Italian sausages!
...
46. The biggest play of the game happened while I was getting concessions!
47. A home run ball bounced off of my hands.
48. I got a modest sunburn, but it’ll become a tan soon.
...
128. My team lost.
129. The guy behind me spilled an entire beer on me.
130. My back kills me because of the lack of a seatback.
...
493. I fell asleep during a blowout and awoke to find my friends had abandoned me.
494. My shoe fell off and I wasn’t wearing socks and I accidentally stepped in an empty hot dog container with ketchup and mustard on it.
...
1,874. The guy behind me threw up on me.
1,875. I paid $22 to have two Bud Lights, both of which became warm due to the sun, and neither of which came close to getting me drunk in the slightest.
...
3,181. My marriage proposal came on the big screen while my should-be fiancé was in the bathroom.
3,182. My boss watches TV while at work and the camera showed me on TV and I had lied to him saying I was super-sick so I could see the game, and I got fired.
3,183. I discovered a severed human pinky inside of my pretzel.
3,184. I am a 13-year-old and a huge, uncoordinated man tackled me down a flight of stairs reaching for a ground-rule double, and somebody else ended up with the ball.
3,185. I am a Cubs fan.
3,186. I believe I contracted a venereal disease from the toilet seat.
Not fun.
See More:
