Madison Bumgarner once dated a girl named Madison Bumgarner

You should read Tom Verducci’s profile on Madison Bumgarner for Sports Illustrated’s “Sportsman of the Year” award because it’s fantastic and well-written, because it’s a compelling look into the personal life of one of the best pitchers in baseball. You should read it for all sorts of reasons.

But that doesn’t mean that Verducci didn’t bury the lede under hundreds of other words.

It’s all true. That he was so good so young that he started playing coach-pitch baseball at age four against seven-year-olds, and is so adept with either hand that he shoots a bow, bats, writes and ropes righthanded, but throws from the left side. That his father, Kevin, wouldn’t let him throw a curveball until he had a driver’s license. That before he dated Ali, he dated a girl named Madison Bumgarner (“No relation, I’m sure of it”).

Madison Bumgarner would pick up the phone, and ask Madison Bumgarner on a date. Madison Bumgarner would hold hands with Madison Bumgarner on their way to the burger joint, where Madison Bumgarner and Madison Bumgarner would look into each other’s eyes. The night might have ended with Madison Bumgarner giving Madison Bumgarner a polite peck on the cheek.

Madison Bumgarner dated Madison Bumgarner, everyone. This is fascinating, not because of tired stereotypes about the South, but because a Madison Bumgarner dating a Madison Bumgarner isn’t something Northern Exposure or Archer would have tried to get away with. Luckily, real life manages to be more interesting sometimes.