NBC finally takes Bob Costas’ eyes off television

It was a matter of time before Sochi claimed its first victim, and we can now say that Bob Costas of NBC Sports appears to have become patient zero.

Initially it seemed like a simple case of pink eye, but the problem spread. Water weeping from his face, eyes the color of a grapefruit’s interior, Costas continued on like the professional he is -- but it was too much to bear. America’s Olympic network has made the switch and it’s unclear if we’ll see him again, ever.

Lauer will be the first person to take over for Costas since 1998, but extreme events call for extraordinary measures.

Anyone can send their “best wishes,” we need the CDC here and pronto! This is an artist’s rendering of what is expected for Costas in the coming days.

It would be foolish to speculate on whether it was caused by the yellow water, bathroom problems, curd mass, stray dog shanty town or voodoo curse -- but whatever caused Costas’ illness we hope the cure is found promptly and without infecting others.