The Texans must draft Johnny Manziel, or his chip will destroy us all

Texas A&M hero Johnny Manziel wants to be drafted No. 1 by the Houston Texans, for reasons both competitive and snack-based:

Manziel hasn’t tried to hide his ambition to play for the Texans, and he has a warning if they pass him up and he falls to a team like Jacksonville, an AFC South rival with the third overall pick and a desperate need for a quarterback.

“It would be the worst decision they’ve ever made,” he says, smiling. “I’d be in the same division playing against them twice a year. Sorry, but you just turned that chip on my shoulder from a Frito into a Dorito.”

Manziel has long managed his shoulder-chip, aligning it at times against other mythical beings:

“Now there’s a big dragon out there for us with all the people who are doubting A&M, all the people who are doubting me that last year was a fluke,” Manziel said. “So that’s a chip on my shoulder and that’s a dragon I need to slay this year.”

But this is the first we’ve learned of the chip’s growth potential. The chip could be subject to Moore’s law, which observes that computer chips tend to double in power every two years. Those are other kinds of chips, you see.

It could expand beyond a Dorito during the course of the NFL Draft, in fact. If Manziel tumbles past Jacksonville at No. 3, now we’re talking potato skins. Past the Browns at No. 4? An entire sopapilla. Past the Raiders at No. 5? A taco salad. If the Vikings don’t pick Johnny, this means Tostitos. All of them.

And if Mr. Football somehow slides all the way out of the top 10? Oh, son ...

The good news: Johnny could go No. 1.