Today is the slowest day on the sports calendar -- no MLB, no NBA, no NFL, no NHL, no World Cup, etc. -- so ESPN holds the ESPYs!
The ESPYs are on, so welcome to our award show, the SBs!
We have our own awards to give! They are different from ESPN’s awards.
Chung Sung-Jun
However, we, the people of the Internet, like sports for so many reasons that are not captured in the awards they give out, like Play of the Year, Best Male Athlete of the Year, and so on and so forth. And plus, we really hate it when people think that SB Nation is “ESPY Nation,” which happens once in every 20 times we say what site we work for.
So, we present to you THE FIRST ANNUAL SBs, with an internetty touch. Check back here as the night goes on to find out the nominees and winners.
Butt of the Year
And your nominees:
Jake Butt tweeting about his name being butt
Yes I'm a tight end. Yes my last name is butt. Hhahaha
— jake butt (@JBooty_88) September 22, 2013 Javier Mascherano’s torn anusIn the mixed zone, Javier Mascherano spared no words to describe the move: “I do not want to be rude ... I tore the anus that play. So the pain ...”
And the winner is...
VINCE WILFORK COOKIN’ RIBS BUTT
Next up...
Sports Animal of the Year
And the nominees, after a BRUTAL elimination process:
And the winner is....
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!
The Ginuwine Living Memorial Pony Of The Year
An tribute to SB Nation’s favorite song. Your nominees:
And the winner is...
BARTOLO COLON-Y!
And now, the nominees for...
Sports Person Tweet of the Year
@__Kingsleyy5 I didn't ask for your glazed donut face ass to root for me anyway!!!!
— Carmelo Anthony (@carmeloanthony) December 31, 2013 Big game today. In NY to take on the @BrooklynDecker Basketball never sleeps!
— Kevin Pritchard (@PacersKev) December 23, 2013 FIRE UP Colts Nation 4 Sunday! Loud n Proud! Stay tuned for 10 winners-2 free tics,$100,Colts Hat! http://t.co/o6KTH6iWGN
— Jim Irsay (@JimIrsay) October 4, 2013 
I looked angry during the game its cause I used flexall/Bengay on my knees under my black tights. Somehow it got on my balls. Burned so bad
— Roy Hibbert (@Hoya2aPacer) December 14, 2013 Now this takes strength and focus 2 be the horse pic.twitter.com/3MS7yZJ6fL
— Tony Allen (@aa000G9) September 21, 2013 Hey I want you to come slide in my DMs @KimKardashian
— Joel-Hans Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) July 16, 2014 Oh I didn't know you were married sorry @KimKardashian just saw it from the fan's tweet... have a nice day
— Joel-Hans Embiid (@JoelEmbiid) July 16, 2014 And the SB goes to...
@__Kingsleyy5 I didn't ask for your glazed donut face ass to root for me anyway!!!!
— Carmelo Anthony (@carmeloanthony) December 31, 2013 See More:
