Look, we already knew NFL teams would sell anything with a team logo on it provided it can make them money. Still, we somehow didn’t know about zombie bobbleheads:
The NFL makes zombie bobbleheads, even though zombies clearly should not play football
There’s no place for a zombie on a football field. But the NFL doesn’t want us to know that.
We understand the hypothetical purpose of these: They’re so you can have a fun team-themed thing up for Halloween, we guess. And yes, they have them for other teams. However, we’d like to poke holes in what’s going on here.
1. Zombies would probably never choose to play football. They are wholly focused on eating brains. We can’t really think of any example in any part of the zombie oeuvre where a zombie does something of which the primary goal is not eating someone’s brain. It would be difficult to convince a zombie to play football, and we doubt they would have the cognitive ability to grasp what they’re supposed to do if they had been convinced to play football.
2. Even if you somehow managed to convince a zombie to play football AND taught it what to do, a zombie would be a really, really bad football player. They tend to have poor movement, choosing to stagger, generally awkwardly shifting their entire weight from side to side with each step, while holding both of their arms out forward. We find it unlikely a zombie could partake in even the simplest football tasks.
3. Hey, if there’s a zombie around, we should stop playing football! Don’t let them anywhere near the other players! Just a single bite can turn the greatest football player into a mindless brain-eater! The area should be immediately quarantined to get all the zombies away.
In conclusion: we do not endorse this zombie bobblehead, because it endorses the idea that zombies should paly football. They should not. Also it costs $25 and is a bobblehead of a zombie.
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