Tom Brady insists he’s human, which is exactly what a robot would say

Tom Brady gave a press conference on Wednesday, in which he expressed a wide range of groundbreaking quarterback opinions. Those included his great motivation to play against any and all opponents, his tremendous love for the game of football, his huge respect for coaches and players alike and his high esteem for his many wonderful teammates.

A reporter snapped back that he sounded like a robot, to which Brady gave the word-for-word response that a machine masquerading as a human being would.

Hey, Tom, thanks for stopping by. Just got a couple more questions for you real quick. Have a seat, please! Okay -- here we go, and listen closely, please, because reaction time is a factor in this.

Alright, first question, Tom. You’re in a desert walking along in the sand -- no, not running, just walking. A nice, leisurely walk in the sand, okay? And you look down and you see a tort -- what? A tortoise. Like a turtle, yeah. But in the desert! A desert turtle. In the sand. Okay. Please, answer as quickly as you can.

So, Tom, you see a tortoise in the sand, and you reach down and flip it over on its back. And it’s lying there, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs. No, I didn’t write this question myself. Just a standard thing, a simple test!

So you see the tortoise is on its back, but you’re not helping it, and -- Tom? Tom, why are you standing up? Tom?