The Cleveland Browns are unconventional in that same way your neighbor down the street was “unconventional” when he ran around with a knife in only his boxers trying to kill a squirrel. We’re only now scratching the level of their weirdness, all thanks to a story from Saints’ receiver Brandin Cooks:
The Browns want to know what you can do with a paperclip in 60 seconds
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
.@brandincooks says weirdest #NFLCombine question he got in interview was "What Can You Do With a Paper Clip in 60 seconds?" by #Browns.
— Rich Eisen Show (@RichEisenShow) February 17, 2015 The combine is right around the corner, which makes it the perfect time to make a cheat sheet for prospective draftees hoping to land in Cleveland. Alright, nobody wants to end up on the Browns, OK? But let’s pretend for a moment and come up with some excellent uses for a paper clip with 60 seconds on the clock:
- Pick a lock
- Fasten papers together in a non-permanent fashion
- Forge a tool to hit the reset button on the back of Bill Belichick’s head
- Create a prison tattoo gun
- Scratch “Do not give money to the Browns” on the glass of your iPhone
- Cool punk earring
- Stab a friend
- Stab an enemy
- Stab a stranger
- Discount cufflinks
- Bend into a skateboard for SICK PAPERCLIP OLLIES
- Pretend it’s Clippy from Microsoft Word
- Handcuffs for rats
- Put it in your butt
- DON’T put it in your butt
- Enhance your paper airplane design with nose weight
- Stick it in a light socket
- Break it like a wishbone, wish for more paperclips
- Hold it out and say, “This holds things together ... just like I’ll do for this team.”
- TRADE IT FOR A FARMHOUSE
- Make a tiny gun and say “pew pew”
- Clip your lips together and force people to call you “kissy face”
- Bend it flat, re-bend as an “artisinal paperclip”
- Clean your fingernails
- Make a fish hook
Any more sweet paperclip ideas?
Spencer Hall, Brian Floyd, Michael Katz, Jason Kirk, Bill Hanstock, Ryan Van Bibber, Bud Elliot and Matt Brigidi helped with this list.
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