1. There are no good college basketball teams.
18 reasons why I’m not filling out a March Madness bracket this year
2. It’s more enjoyable to watch the tournament unburdened by the weight of my picks.
3. People in the office asking me who is in my Final Four.
4. People in the office telling me they had the team who just lost in their Final Four.
5. Former UConn guard Khalid El-Amin is not playing in the tournament this year.
6. No. 12 vs. No. 5 upsets.
7. You can’t just take all four No. 1s.
9. The games are too close to call.
10. “Cinderella” is just a sports term. There are no actual Disney princesses in March Madness.
11. Khalid El-Amin did not ask me to take his bracket challenge.
12. I have to catch up on House of Cards.
13. Your bracket doesn’t love you back.
14. The deep, abiding shame of a busted bracket.
15. If somehow I do pick the correct winner, I’ll be retroactively jumping on the Drake bandwagon bandwagon.
16. Because, fuck Duke.
17. It’s been 17 years since former UConn guard Khalid El-Amin came to me on horseback in a dream and helped guide me through a series of trials and tribulations at the end of which I understood that filling out March Madness brackets is a waste of time.
18. I forgot a pen.
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