What happens when a whole bunch of your employees get arrested for widespread corruption in a two-country series of indictments? It’s a three step process.
FIFA issues hilarious statement following corruption arrests
They’re BFFs with investigators. Really, they are.
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
1. Blame everyone else.
“The Swiss authorities, acting on behalf of their U.S. counterparts, arrested the individuals for activities carried out in relation with CONCACAF and CONMEBOL business.”
“It wasn’t FIFA, it was those zany North and South Americans!”
2. Make 100 percent sure everyone knows you’re the nice guys.
“As noted by the Swiss authorities, this collection of evidence is being carried out on a cooperative basis.”
“See, we’re cooperating! We’re having a potluck dinner with authorities later, and then we’re playing ‘Cards Against Humanity’ with them.”
3. Applaud the energy of investigators.
“We are pleased to see that the investigation is being energetically pursued for the good of football, and believe that it will help to reinforce measures that FIFA has already taken.”
You know who starts a sentence with “We are pleased?” James Bond villains addressing their evil syndicate and FIFA. That’s it. Just those two.
The whole statement is something else. You can read it here.
SB Nation presents: Sepp Blatter won’t come to America, except for maybe a bribe
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