Sorry Eugene Emeralds, your ‘Portlandia’ uniforms suck

Real talk, minor league baseball: This thing was super fun at first. You did nostalgic uniforms from TV shows and movies from our childhood. You paid homage to phenomena like Game of Thrones. Heck, you even did tacos. The Eugene Emeralds want to know why their Portlandia uniforms aren’t in the rankings for the best theme uniforms. Here’s why:

Portlandia is objectively one of the funniest shows on TV. There’s a wealth of amazing sketches and scenes to pull from and make a uniform. Why this one? Why? The joke is flannel and denim -- that’s it. Two disparate jokes that weren’t even from the same sketch.

STOP EXPLAINING THE JOKE! WE UNDERSTAND THE JOKE. IT’S NOT A GOOD JOKE. EXPLAINING IT MAKES IT WORSE.

Would it have been cliched to “Put a bird on it”? Absolutely. Would it be tough to accurately portray Toni and Candace’s feminist bookstore? Sure. Both would have been better than this.

Look at this poor guy. LOOK AT HIM. This is the same face Ryan Gosling makes during the entire movie Drive (it’s a really good movie, watch it). Seriously though, this man wants to be anywhere except in this photo shoot. He’s scrunching up his face so his family won’t recognize him. He’s contemplating a career change.

All of this because of one photo.

I’m not calling them “denim,” so shut up. What is with these friggin jeans? I get that you had to screenprint baseball pants to make them look like jeans, but these look like reverse maternity jeans. You know, where the stretchy belly-thing is on the butt instead of the front.

It’s a really flattering look.