Kansas State’s band says it was making a spaceship. A Star Trek fan explains what’s wrong with it.

Kansas State’s marching band claims it was paying homage to Star Trek with the incredibly phallic-looking object that entered a rival Kansas Jayhawk’s mouth during its halftime show on Saturday.

Let’s assume for a second they really were trying to create the Starship Enterprise. There are a lot of problems.

Kirk H. Schulz is the name of Kansas State’s president, so we’ll assume that we’re talking about the Constitution-class USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) that another Kirk was the captain of.

This is just common sense. You’re captain of USS’ flagship, which means you basically have four jobs: To explore new worlds, seek out new life, boldly go where no one has gone before and DON’T KILL YOUR CREW.

The bridge of the NCC-1701 was on top of the saucer section. We’re supposed to believe Kirk would risk his entire ship and crew by ramming a Jayhawk over using photon torpedoes and phasers? I sure don’t.

Starfleet’s modus operandi is to never engage unless defending oneself. There is no wiggle room. Heck, Picard didn’t even fire the first shot against the Borg until it was absolutely necessary.

We can’t fully tell from the halftime performance, but it seems like the Enterprise doesn’t attempt to hail the Jayhawk or open lines of communication. It simply moves to ramming speed.

Forget Star Trek for a second. This one’s just common sense. As a Jayhawk you have two weapons at your disposal: A hard beak and your talons. If a spaceship is flying at you at ramming speed, what are you going to go? Brace for impact with that hard beak, or open your mouth and ensure your destruction?

Not buying it, K-State.

I’ve superimposed an image of the Enterprise on top of Kansas State’s band to show precisely what’s wrong with this ship design. Not only did they get the proportions all wrong, they added an entire section of the ship that doesn’t exist.

I’d love to hear an explanation behind putting a part of the ship directly underneath the warp engine.

I have a hard time believing a school that has enough skill to create a giant, moving Jayhawk couldn’t create an accurate representation of the Enterprise if it tried. That’s a compliment, K-State.

Sure, it could be. I won’t deny that it kind of looks like the Enterprise, but there’s more to this ship than just a hull -- there’s a spirit. This is what was sorely lacking in Kansas State’s attempt. The school missed what Star Trek is all about.

I don’t blame people for thinking it was a big ol’ dick.

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